Ep. 40 - The High Achiever’s Trap and Redefining Success: Why You’re Always Looking Ahead Instead of Celebrating Now

Ever hit a milestone and immediately move on to the next goal without celebrating? You’re not alone. Today, we're diving into owning your success right now instead of constantly chasing the next big thing. We’ll unpack how perfectionism keeps you stuck, redefine success on your terms, and talk about why rest isn’t laziness—it’s strategy. 

It’s time to stop second-guessing and start celebrating YOU. 

What You’ll Learn:

•  How perfectionism fuels self-doubt (and how to break free)
•  Why redefining success will change your life
•  The power of rest & how it leads to real clarity

And if you like Tarot, there's plenty of that in this episode too as I used it to help guide this conversation, just like I did when I started this journey two years ago.

00:00 Introduction
02:52 Returning to Roots: Tarot and Inspiration
03:58 Listener Feedback and Mental Health Episodes
05:42 Embracing Success and Overcoming Perfectionism
12:34 Defining Personal Success and Values
17:31 The Importance of Rest and Mental Clarity
23:08 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
24:20 Blissfully Bold Boundaries Program

Listen to these episodes to go deeper in today's conversation:

• Ep. 14 - Breaking Free from Millennial Burnout: Insight from from Intuitive Life Coach Alyson Haines on Healing Your Nervous System and Chronic Stress with Breathwork & Reiki
• Ep. 33 Ditch the Pressure for Perfectionism: Reframing Failures with Grace and Reflection
• Ep. 04 - Finding Confidence Through Imperfect Action: Coexisting with Anxiety and Ditching Perfectionism, Self Doubt, & Fears of Rejection for a More Balanced Life
• Ep. 10 - Boundaries and Belonging: How to Stay True to Yourself in a World That Wants You to Fit In

DM me on Instagram (@gavie.remaly) and tell me: What does success look and feel like to you?

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Transcript

 Two years of being on the journey of becoming a business owner to get to this point of like, oh wait, like you have to rest to gain clarity. The times before in these previous cycles of burnout,  I would just rest because I was really fucking tired and I couldn't take it anymore mentally, but I never. 

had that actual thought of rest, so that way you can have mental clarity.  I can't ever remember thinking that,  and when I learned that, it was like a little light bulb went off. I used to live in this constant state of like, burnout, burn it all down, uproot, replant, but I'm finally in this headspace where I can understand  the root.

Of this vicious cycle.  Hi, my name is Gabby Ramelli and I'm your Boundary Advocate to lead you to a more peaceful life. Four years ago, I was stuck in a deep depression, a fog covered lake in the dead of night, with no idea of where to turn to get back to me or my own needs. After seeking professional guidance to lead me out of the darkness, Advocating for myself, my boundaries, and my overall well being has become a daily practice of self care.

Here on the Blissfully Bold podcast, we'll chat about balancing life's chaos within ourselves and in everyday spaces, pumping the brakes on people pleasing and understanding our personal needs to create the peace and happiness we so crave and deserve. Join me every Wednesday for a new episode and dare to be Blissfully Bold.

Welcome to the Blissfully Bold Podcast.  Hey friend, you're back! I appreciate you coming back every week. If you are loving the show, please go and show support by rating, leaving a review, and sharing with a friend. And now there is a new way that you can support the show. You can Buy me a coffee. It's similar to Patreon in that it helps fund creator efforts to continue bringing value to you.

You know, that means releasing this show every week. So it would mean so much to me if you could go and visit my page. And Buy Me A Coffee, visit buymeacoffee. com forward slash Blissfully Bold Podcast. Hey friend, welcome back to the Blissfully Bold Podcast. Uh, if you're new here, welcome and thanks for joining.

I'd love to hear how you found the show and what you think of the episode. You can find me over on Instagram. I'm at gaby. ramely, so just send me a DM and I look forward to connecting with you. If you're returning to the show though, you might remember in episode 38, that was a couple of episodes ago, when I interviewed the Tarot and Chachibiti.

I mentioned I felt like I was getting back to my root.  When I incorporated Tarot more.  And I'm getting back to my roots a little more today. So while planning this episode, it reminded me a lot of when I used to do Facebook Lies for two card pulls on Tarot Thursday and Mother Fuss on Mondays. Um, both of those were weekly segments for community readings.

So today, I turn back to the Tarot for some more inspiration on what topic to talk about. And it couldn't be more relevant to where so many go getter mamas are in in their journeys like right now. I didn't get Chachapiti to read the tarot cards this time for this episode and uh, these are just All of my own thoughts and my own inspirations, but before we get into today's topic, I just want to give thanks back to you. 

So I'm going to go ahead and read a review from one of you. Today's review comes from Audrey and she says, So episode 23 about managing depression hit home for me. I have struggled with depression for so long and honestly, it's a big part of what kicked off my own spiritual slash healing journey.  Truly learning every healing modality I could in order to work through my own depression.

Thanks for your honesty and vulnerability to share this episode. Well, I just want to say thank you so much for your feedback, Audrey, and I really do try to be honest with you so that way you know that others feel just like you do. That feeling of being alone is, like, the fucking worst, and I'm so glad that I can be a voice that you resonate with.

So,  yeah, thank you. If you haven't heard episode 23 and are interested in navigating dips and mental health, you might also want to check out  these other episodes. Episode 24, uh, heartache, health, heartache and healing, talking grief after the death of a spouse with Brenda Munt.  And episode 16, my journey from burnout to boundary setting, navigating work life balance and mental health.

So again, if you want to kind of dig more into mental health things, um, I'm not a mental health professional, just.  giving you my experience, but you can go and check out episode 24 and 16.  I would also love if you rated and reviewed the show on Apple Podcasts. It helps grow the show and if you really want to go that extra mile, please share your favorite episode with a friend.

All right, today we're diving into the nine of pentacles energy. Standing confidently in success defined by your terms. Pausing to celebrate your wins right now, and letting go of the fear of making mistakes. That's only keeping you stuck and second guessing yourself.  So, when I hit publish on my first podcast episode, I like barely stopped to celebrate.

Uh, a lot goes into starting and producing a podcast, but I only took like a really short moment to be proud of actually getting it out into the world before I like moved on to needing to create more engaged platform, uh, getting more downloads, monetizing it, becoming a 1 percent top 1 percent podcaster.

Like the list goes on. It's like I started this podcast.  Which is really fucking cool. Like,  I don't know, a version of me  five, six years ago would have definitely been like, Oh my gosh, you have a podcast? Like, that's so fucking cool! And,  like, me now, I'm like, yeah, I have a podcast, but  No but. Like, you're super cool.

You have a podcast. So I didn't really take the time to stop and like, congratulate. Myself, and  those are examples of like needing outside validation, like the example of creating a bigger platform, monetizing your podcast, being a top 1 percent podcaster, like all of those things mean that other people appreciate. 

or applaud,  like, your accomplishments. But, it's important for you to come back to yourself and be proud of yourself for you because those are the accomplishments that you value. Like,  I said, I  was super proud when I released my podcast, but I just, I didn't give myself enough credit. And I think that when people ask me about starting their podcast, I always brush it off as like, Oh yeah, it's no big deal, but it really is a big fucking deal.

Like.  I always applaud people who start their podcast because I know how much work goes into it. So if you can be that cheerleader for other people, then you should definitely  start being the cheerleader for yourself.  And this is why it's like so important for moms who are doing all the things, you know, working, raising kids, making their own money, running businesses, you know, just keep on filling the blank.

that this like this having this conversation is really important because we forget  to congratulate ourselves too often we are on our own worst critics and we like i said  we don't say congrats to ourselves and then we start feeling like we're just not enough like day in and day out we just  feel kind of blah  And like, we just didn't do enough. 

And I'd like to say that  that feeling of not being enough and not accomplishing enough, that that has a root in perfectionism. So, when I ask the tarot for supporting points of You know that what we should talk about I drew the five of cups and I interpreted that as focusing on what you don't have or what went wrong in your efforts that you let the negative thoughts and the what ifs cloud your judgment so you start to over plan or you get caught in the emotional spiral of you're failing and just You don't set your sights on what  you already have in front of you. 

This card is actually a repeat, and that's what I like to call a stalker card, from episode 38, which was that interview with Chachapiti and the Tarot. In that episode, it was about releasing emotional attachments to your past, and here, you're still holding on to your mistakes, striving for perfection, uh, but you're too frozen to move forward because you've fear making any mistakes.

You're letting the fear of making mistakes keep you stagnant. And this is only going to keep you stuck in that fear of failure, which is just going to stop you from like fully stepping into your success. Like I said, it's going to keep you frozen. It's a form of self sabotaging, if you will. If you're an entrepreneur or have ever tried starting a business, you know where I'm going with this.

This isn't an ad, by the way.  It's just elaborating on that whole fear of failure. Like, putting yourself out there is really fucking scary. The fear of being seen, the fear of being judged, the fear of  failure, the what if moments that we talked about earlier. I've gone through all of that, too, and it's a really big reason I had to give myself time and to take a step back and realign with my values and what it is.

I want my message to be out into the world, like,  it's just,  it's a lot. It's a lot to handle at once.  And I want to be able to  know how I can feel accomplished by my own standards. I had to learn to shift the thought from what if I fail to what if I succeed. Like my favorite, favorite quote. I actually just wrote this on a butterfly coloring page.

I did it at the library. Uh, just at the start of spring break and when I was done coloring it, I wrote this quote. It's my favorite. It's, what if I fall? Oh, but my darling, what if you fly? It's a line from a poem by Aaron Hansen.  So  I want you to think, what is a past failure you've had and how can you reframe it as a teaching moment for yourself?

Did you give up on your goal because you weren't perfect at it? Probably not. So where did that idea of perfectionism or success come from?  And that brings me to my next point. Where you have to define success on your own terms.  For this point, I drew the Ten of Pentacles reverse. I just asked, where did your idea of perfection and success come from? 

Are you chasing like some outdated definition of success? One that was like planted by your parents or your grandparents or an older generation that cared for you, right? And how does that align with who you are as a person, right? Now, do you share those same values? as your parents or your grandparents did or have your thoughts and  your way of thinking kind of evolved just as, you know,  we've evolved over the past 20 to 50 years.

What would it take to fully embrace your version of success without judgment? I encourage you to take a good look at that. Determine what success means to you.  To help with that, you can use the Daily Planner for the High Achiever to help you pinpoint what's top of mind for you. What you have to do and what's bothering you.

Are you saying yes to things because you actually want them or because you feel obligated? I find that we often know what we don't want, but seldom do we know what we actually do want right away. So use this planner to microjournal. Don't think about what you want to write, just brain dump what you're feeling in the moment.

That's microjournaling. Do it daily for five days and ask yourself if you notice a pattern. Do you need help unpacking all of it because we can do that together in my four week program blissfully bold boundaries For the deets on that program visit my site on buy me a coffee and I am linking that in the show notes The daily planner for the high achiever will also be linked in the show notes So I always thought success meant earning a living by making good money And good money in my hometown was working for oil and gas.

I often heard You make great money! But no one really talked about what went into making great money in that industry. Like, what sacrifices did people have to do? But I was gonna learn.  After going to college for journalism, graduating, and not making a living by earning good money, I went back to school for pipe drafting and design. 

It's a long story, if you're interested in it, you can definitely DM me on Instagram at Gabby. Romelli and we can chat about it because I feel like I've had a pretty diverse background and interesting and that's, that's kind of what makes people fun, right? Is having that diversity and it's like a lot of different touch points.

It's like. What is it?  Three degrees of Kevin Bacon or something like that. Anyway, I'm getting off on a tangent. So after I, you know, decided I was going to go back to school, I went and got my pipe drafting and design.  associates degree. After my program, I got a job in the oil and gas industry and it didn't align with my values or work culture, like what I wanted at all.

The people I worked with were really great, but the hours were long and demanding. Plus, I was contributing to depleting the Earth's non renewable resources. I don't call myself a tree hugger.  Cause, you know,  I, I'm just not, like, I know the conveniences that oil and gas bring into our daily lives, and I appreciate them and I like to use them, but I still didn't quite feel like I was contributing to a cause that felt good to me at work. 

But, I wanted to do well, so I worked hard to be noticed and good at my job, even though I felt like a wild horse being broken in every day that I went to work.  Ah, that feeling of just being molded into something that you're not. It just, it breaks you. Like I said, I felt like a wild horse being broken in.

I talk about this more in episode 16, my journey from burnout to boundary setting, navigating work life balance and mental health, if you want to dig into the details of that story.  And needless to say, after my experience in oil and gas, I was burnt out. But, I didn't take a break on my own. Oh, no. I didn't. 

The universe stepped in and told me to have a seat. 

And that brings me to my next tarot point, the four of swords. So rest untangles the mind and your emotions, allowing clarity, growth, and the realization that you don't need to burn yourself out to prove your worth to a company. Or to anyone  and this is kind of where I'm at now and it's taken  Two years of being on the journey of becoming a business owner to get to this point of like, Oh, wait, like you have to rest to gain clarity the times before in these previous cycles of burnout  I would just rest because I was really fucking tired and I couldn't take it anymore mentally, but I never  Had that actual thought of rest, so that way you can have mental clarity.

I can't ever remember thinking that.  And when I learned that, it was like a little light bulb went off. I used to live in this constant state of like burnout, burn it all down, uproot, replant. But I'm finally in this head space where I can understand.  The root of this vicious cycle, and it's because of rest,  taking intentional time to just stop and do things that bring joy, you know, get back in touch with your inner child back to creativity and into imagining the most wildly like joyful stories.

The scenes of what if that brought in wonder and magic. Have you seen?  It's a new series on Disney plus and it's like a spinoff of the inside out movies It's I think it's called  dream productions or something like that where it's basically, you know, your subconscious creating these 

And I just think it's so amazing how it shows, like, as a child, what kind of wild stories you came up with. And it was just all so fun and colorful and just, like, truly about joy. And then as you morph into a teen and an adult, it starts to It becomes stories of worry and anxiety and fear and what's going to happen if this goes wrong and you know, we start  kind of going over the edge.

A new word that I've learned in therapy is catastrophizing. And yeah, I find that if you have anxiety and you suffer from perfectionism and you are afraid of making mistakes, that sometimes You, you know, spin out of control and you catastrophize, but I challenge you to do the opposite. I want you to dream like a child.

What does that scene look like? In your perfect world, what would life be like?  And I find if you give yourself the rest, let yourself kind of feel rejuvenated,  get that nap that you've been neglecting.  It'll bring you some clarity, which then  creates sustainable success in a life that you love because you've created it according to your own standards of success.

Pause for the break. Celebrate yourself and how you're sitting pretty on your newest accomplishment. Don't burn the bridge, the boats, or all of it down because you're afraid of making a mistake.  Just take a fucking break.  And let your mind get clear. If you need to block out non negotiable time in your planner, even if it's just 15 minutes of sitting in silence I know it's hard  because you just want to go go go do do do all the things But sit your fucking ass down in the chair and just relax for 15 minutes.

You can do it. I know you can  So to wrap this up the tarot gave us some king of swords energy here at the end  and the message was trust yourself  And own your own definition of success.  It's like that famous quote says, speak your mind even if your voice shakes. And I think it's attributed to Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the late Supreme Court Justice. 

And on that note, like your success doesn't need to be validated from anyone else but you. Have the courage to stand up for your ideas and values. Take the rest to gain the clarity on those values and kind of ditch society's idea of success because it doesn't necessarily have to align with your view of success. 

It probably doesn't.  So what does success look and feel like for you?  Get side of that before you start planning for the next big thing on the horizon because I guarantee you that if you start planning before you are clear on the vision,  who you are in  for some bumpy. Bumpy roads and turbulence.  All right, that's it for this episode. 

I want you to DM me on Instagram. I'm at gaby. ramely with your biggest takeaway. And if you want to go even deeper, check out Blissfully Bold Boundaries on my shop at buymeacoffee. And the link. is in the show notes. If you enjoy this episode and you want more conversations about perfectionism, defining your own version of success, and reconnecting with your own beliefs, then check out these related episodes.

Episode 14, Breaking Free from Millennial Burnout, Insight from Intuitive Life Coach Alison Haines on Healing Your Nervous System and Chronic Stress with Breathwork and Reiki. Episode 33.  Ditch the pressure for perfectionism, reframing failures with grace and reflection.  Episode 4, finding confidence through imperfect action, coexisting with anxiety and ditching perfectionism, self doubt and fears of rejection for a more balanced life. 

Episode 10, boundaries and belonging, how to stay true to yourself in a world that wants you to fit in.  Alright, that's it for me. Catch you next week.  Toodles! Hey friend, I got a question for you. When was the last time you said yes to something you didn't actually want to do?  Maybe it was taking on one more thing at work when your plate was already overflowing or agreeing to your sister in law baby cousin Tracy's baby shower when all you really wanted was a quiet night in with Bridgerton. 

If you're nodding along right now, it's time for a change. Blissfully Bold Boundaries has entered the chat! My four week program is designed for the high achiever who is done with people pleasing and perfectionism and who is ready to prioritize themselves without guilt or the fear that they're the topic of someone's conversation. 

In this program, we zero in on what your needs are right now, so you can feel that tenseness that's in your shoulders just melt away as you call back joy into your days. With weekly video calls, microjournaling, and even a tarot reading, yeah, it's like a mirror of yourself, to help you see what's really going on, you'll walk away with a custom boundary plan that fits your life and keeps you from repeating another burnout cycle.

So, if you're tired of over explaining, over committing, and over it all, let's fix that together. Head to my shop at buymeacoffee. com forward slash  blissfullyboldpodcast to grab your spot in Blissfully Bold Boundaries. You deserve your needs to be met. Unapologetically.  Thanks again for listening and visit buy me a coffee at  buymeacoffee.

com forward slash blissfully bold podcast for another way to support the show. And I will also link that in the show notes.