Ep. 33 Ditch the Pressure for Perfectionism: Reframing Failures with Grace and Reflection

In this episode of the Blissfully Bold Podcast, I explore the importance of self-compassion and grace as necessary boundaries for combating perfectionism. With practical tips on how to reframe failure, evaluate mistakes without judgment, and introduce daily self-care practices like micro journaling, this episode aims to help listeners achieve their New Year's resolutions without falling into common perfectionism traps. Listeners are also introduced to a daily planner for overthinking high achievers, now undergoing a rebrand, and a five-day micro journaling challenge designed to simplify journaling habits and reflect on meaningful boundaries that impact your peace now.

00:00 Introduction to Self-Compassion and Perfectionism
04:43 Life's Unexpected Challenges
07:42 Embracing Mistakes and Self-Compassion
09:50 Daily Planner and Microjournaling Challenge
16:26 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

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Transcript

 We're just talking about self compassion and grace as a boundary and as a practice that  is ultimately going to help you deal with perfectionism and also the control that is rooted in the perfectionism. Or perfectionism is rooted in control. I don't know how it is, but they are together. Perfectionism is controlling.

It's having to control the outcome to have it go exactly as you had planned. And as I mentioned earlier, life is gonna life.  And everything is not going to go according to plan.  We have to remember that we can only control ourselves and not the outside factors that's happening. Like I mentioned earlier, with The fires in LA or the snow here in Texas  or whatever else is going on in the world or the country  We have to give ourselves grace for those things.

Hi, my name is Gabby Ramelli, and I'm your boundary advocate to lead you to a more peaceful life. Four years ago, I was stuck in a deep depression, a fog covered lake in the dead of night with no idea of where to turn to get back to me or my own needs. After seeking professional guidance to lead me out of the darkness, Advocating for myself, my boundaries, and my overall well being has become a daily practice of self care.

Here on the Blissfully Bold podcast, we'll chat about balancing life's chaos within ourselves and in everyday spaces. Pumping the brakes on people pleasing and understanding our personal needs to create the peace and happiness we so crave and deserve. Join me every Wednesday for a new episode and dare to be Blissfully Bold.

Welcome to the Blissfully Bold podcast.  Hey friend, you're back. I appreciate you coming back every week. If you are loving the show, please go and show support by rating, leaving a review, and sharing with a friend. And now there is a new way that you can support the show. You can Buy me a coffee. It's similar to Patreon in that it helps fund creator efforts to continue bringing value to you.

You know, that means releasing this show every week. So it would mean so much to me if you could go and visit my page  and buy me a coffee. Visit buymeacoffee.  com forward slash blissfullybold. com podcast. Hey friend, welcome back to the show. I'm so glad to have you here. If you haven't already, head over to Apple Podcasts and rate and review the show.

It really helps grow the show and get more people to know about it. And if you want to do extra, then please share your favorite episode with a friend. Ah, that would be amazing because sharing is caring, right? Alright, anyway,  moving on.  Um, this week on the podcast, we're going to be talking about  perfectionism, not enoughness, showing yourself grace, and reframing failure.

We are in the season of  resolutions, right? We just had a new year. We're coming up on the end of January. Can you fucking believe that? Like, can you believe? That we're already, like, through the end of the month. Fuckin wild, right? So, that being said,  many people have fallen off the wagon of their resolutions, their goals.

Like, maybe they're not eating right. Like, they thought they were going to. Or they're not, you know, exercising. Or they're not managing their finances well enough. Or they're not starting that journal of practice that they wanted to start. Or the meditation. Or whatever it is that you're working on on yourself.

Like maybe you've kind of fallen off and you've lost momentum. Like in the beginning of the year you were super motivated and you're gonna kick ass at doing all these things. And I think that's where we kind of put too much pressure on ourselves perfectionism trap. A lot of people  want to go, like, gung ho into a new routine, right?

And if you're anything like me,  the beginning of January has seen some ups and some downs and has really fucked up your routine, right? From the fires in California or in LA, like, my heart goes out to everyone affected by the fires. Like, it is so fucking sad that that happened, um,  and it's just It's it's heartbreaking really  So california had their fires i'm in texas.

We had some snow days And i'm like in southeast texas like in the houston area And we had  was it like four to six inches of snow.  So if no one is familiar I'm going off on a tangent here if no one is familiar with  Snow in texas like we don't really get it  And so when we have that much snow like it shuts down the entire city No one is on the road.

We don't have salt trucks going and salting the roads. Like everyone just needs to like sit at home and wait it out. But this time it snowed. So Needless to say the kids were home.  We were home. Everyone was home. And so So that means I'm not able to be productive for work, you know? And I'm, I'm saying productive in the terms of like, I don't, I'm, I wasn't able to do the work in my business that required my attention, like my undivided attention. 

And  it is hard getting out of routine and like you have this idea of what you wanted to create for the new year.  And then life gets in the way,  right? Life is gonna life, man. That's just, that's gonna happen.  And I think that's where you need to stop and think about, like, Am I holding myself to this standard of being perfect? 

And when I'm not perfect, do I let that mean that I'm not doing good enough? Like, I'm not good enough.  Is that what you're doing?  Because Then that makes you just feel like you're telling yourself your mistakes make you a failure and you'll never be good enough or You didn't do what you said you were gonna do and now you never do the things That you say you're gonna do.

That's another thing that we do to ourselves, is we say we never or we always do these things. And my husband gets mad at me because he tells me, you say it in absolutes, never and always, like it's not sometimes or often or things like that, like it's just  all or nothing.  And I think that many people operate in that mindset of giving your all or giving nothing.

There is nothing in between.  And  that's where we need to give ourselves grace,  right?  Because when you think about it, it's like, Okay, I'm trying my best.  I made some mistakes.  While mistakes don't feel good,  they're okay.  and their learning experiences.  What takeaways can you have from  these mistakes? Right?

Do you learn to build an email funnel better?  Do you learn to maybe measure your food better? Or do you learn that those 20 pound weights that you were trying to lift are actually just a slight, slightly too heavy?  And maybe you should drop down to, like, the tens.  Like, what are your mistakes telling you? 

And that's something for evaluation.  We need to be able to look at our mistakes without any judgment, with  being a little more self compassionate and more understanding. So this is where I like to think of self compassion and grace as a boundary that I hold with myself. Because If I don't hold that boundary with myself,  I  am prone to spiraling. 

And I know I'm not the only one, because I read on forums, on Instagram posts, on Facebook posts, all these like, public places that people talk,  that they have these thought loops.  These re occurring things that anxiety tells them. That their brain is just like going on and on and on in their head. And it's like when does it stop? 

It stops with you being more self compassionate, giving yourself grace, speaking to yourself kindly. And I actually have a daily planner  that incorporates self compassion and a space to reflect and evaluate  what you're thinking.  Currently, the planner is the daily planner for the Overthinking High Achiever.

It is undergoing a rebrand. I'm really excited about it. So, if you want the planner, I'm going to put it in the show notes. Um, and when the rebrand comes out, I will be shooting out an email and updating everyone who is on that list with the new planner.  Um, I'm still tweaking the name. It is going to be geared towards working moms and it being able to help you pinpoint  what your thought loops are and how you can  be more self compassionate for yourself and find out the most meaningful boundaries that are going to give you the most impact right now to find your peace.

And accompanying that will be an audio series. It's a five day microjournaling challenge.  But more about that later, right now we're just talking about self compassion and grace as a boundary and as a practice that  is ultimately going to help you deal with perfectionism and also the control that is rooted in the perfectionism.

Or perfectionism is rooted in control. I don't know how it is, but they are together. Perfectionism is controlling. It's having to control the outcome to have it go exactly as you had planned. And as I mentioned earlier, life is gonna life.  And everything is not going to go according to plan.  We have to remember that we can only control ourselves, and not the outside factors that's happening.

Like I mentioned earlier with the fires in LA, or the snow here in Texas,  or whatever else is going on in the world or the country.  We have to give ourselves grace for those things.  And  being able to be that friend to yourself,  to be able to  talk yourself down from thinking that you're not good enough, or you're a piece of shit, or you're lazy, or you're this, or you're that, or whatever it is you want to fill in the blank with, whatever negative thing that you're telling yourself, because you didn't uphold the standard of perfection.

That you put on yourself, 

like who, who told you  that you need to be perfect? Where did you learn that?  It's something to think about and to journal on.  So again, go download that daily planner and  Start like really looking at where can I be kinder to myself?  And what are my thoughts telling me? What patterns are showing up? And then you can use Those patterns  to reframe  Where you tell yourself you're failing.

Is it an actual failure?  To me, you only fail when you stop Trying. Did you try something out and it just didn't work?  Like how can you tweak it? How can you make it better?  How can  You make it work?  Even though we want to be perfect.  That's just not reality  Like no one is perfect  And so, when you have these failures, it's time to reframe it by  thinking about  what you learned from it,  right? 

So,  with all of that said I want to know,  what does failing  at perfectionism  mean to you?  What is, what do you let that failure mean? Hit me up in the DMs on Instagram at gavi. ramaylee and let's have a conversation, um,  and if you have questions about the daily planner and how it can help you have more self compassion  microjournaling on these thoughts about perfection or not being enough,  then  let's have a chat.

Stay tuned for more info on the daily planner that is getting a reboot as well as the audio series for the five day microjournaling challenge. It's gonna be great, and I know that so many of you are working on your healing journey, and I know that one big thing of healing work  Or doing any kind of internal work  is keeping record.

Of what you're thinking  in journaling. And so instead of beating yourself up and trying to make yourself perfect at journaling like let me help you by  creating this five day Challenge for you to do microjournaling just to kind of get your toes dipped into the waters of journaling It'll be great.

You're gonna love it. It's not as daunting as you think that journaling will be. I know that so many of you think of journaling as this practice where you have to have a ritual for journaling. Like you have to put on a candle and maybe some sound bowls and,  I don't know, bird chirping. Whatever it is that you think that you need with journaling.

Your fancy pens. You don't need all that.  And I'm going to show you how to do that in the  Five day challenge series that I am working on. So again, go and download the daily planner that I'm gonna drop in the show notes. Um, that will be revised, but since you'll be on the list, you'll get the new version.

So basically, it's like a  placeholder, but you can still totally use the daily planner that is currently there. Alright, that's it for me, my friend. I will talk to you next week. Toodles! This episode was brought to you by the daily planner sheet for the overthinking high achiever the perfect balance to productivity and Self reflection with sections for keeping you accountable of your backburner to do's and your random thoughts of inspiration or worst case scenario The daily planner sheet for the overthinking high achiever has you covered.

Please see the link in the show notes for your free copy Thanks again for listening and visit buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee. com  forward slash blissfully bold podcast for another way to support the show. And I will also link that in the show notes.