Ep. 29 - 2024 Reflections: Facing Discomfort, Self-Compassion, and Growth to Take Bold Action in 2025

In this episode of the Blissfully Bold podcast, I reflect on my experiences in 2024, touching on personal growth, boundary-setting, and managing anxiety as I transition into 2025. I discuss the importance of releasing control, self-soothing, and facing discomfort. I also share insights from past episodes and highlight my plans for the new year, including rebranding initiatives, journal challenges, and more. Tune in to explore strategies for achieving a peaceful life and get motivated to take bold actions in 2025.

00:00 Introduction
03:21 Reflecting on 2024
04:53 Bringing My Shadow to Light
08:41 Facing Discomfort and Self-Compassion
14:31 Learning to Lead Myself
26:12 Plans for 2025
30:17 Conclusion and Support

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Transcript

  feel like I have to be in control of things like just because that's part of like my background and work and for me work  like it was very important to me to be a good employee  and  in my job in my nine to five job that I had I was a project coordinator I've had um a background in project coordination and like helping in project management  and I always felt like I had to have  tabs On all of the projects that were happening all of the movement in each of the projects Because making sure that a project is going to get completed is having a lot of moving parts  And I felt like I had to control them and she was telling me like yeah It's more about like not necessarily controlling all the things but like knowing What you will do if one shoe drops or if something happens like it's having  this level of risk management, which is what I was talking about earlier with managing your anxiety.

And it feels like to me it felt like it was going kind of hand in hand where my anxiety comes from me needing to control things that are out of my control.  So it's been helpful in learning that  I can release control and I can tell myself like I  am in control of this moment right now in this second for myself.

I can control my reactions. I can control my emotions. I can control my breathing. I can control myself. What I cannot control is how someone reacts,  especially to a boundary I set. Hi, my name is Gabby Ramelli, and I'm your boundary advocate to lead you to a more peaceful life. Four years ago, I was stuck in a deep depression, a fog covered lake in the dead of night, with no idea of where to turn to get back to me 

or my own needs.

After seeking professional guidance to lead me out of the darkness, advocating for myself, my boundaries, and my overall well being has become a daily practice of self care. Here on the Blissfully Bold 

podcast, we'll chat about balancing life's chaos within ourselves and in everyday spaces. Pumping the brakes on people pleasing and understanding our personal needs to create the peace and happiness we so crave and deserve.

Join me every Wednesday for a new episode and dare to be Blissfully Bold. Welcome to the blissfully bold podcast.  

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Hey friend, welcome to 2025 of the Blissfully Bold podcast. Isn't it crazy that we are in a new year? I mean, obviously, it's expected. It happens every single year, right? But it's just like, Wow, 2025 is here  and I feel like 2024 just flew by so fast and there was a lot of shit that went down in 2024. Like I switched over in my job from being a project coordinator to being in marketing and then I had a layoff and then I've been on this entrepreneurial journey and there's just been so much.

So for episode 29 here, I am  reflecting on 2024, and not necessarily of the things that happened, but like what I have been working on. And here we're going to talk about bringing my shadow to light,  facing discomfort, learning to lead myself as a business owner, and The things that I'm actually taking with me into 2025.

So, stick around and  get your favorite drink. You can pause this. I'll wait.  Just come back.  Okay. So,  for bringing my shadow to light, I was going through my journal  when I was preparing for this episode and doing the outline.  And  There was something that I wrote and I'm gonna read it because I'm like, holy shit.

I wrote that like wow That was some that was some wisdom. So let me read it to you. It's the shadow self is a ghost of your past self Acknowledge its presence, but don't allow it to live rent free in your mind heat its warnings But don't let its fear mongering set you into freeze mode Understand your strength in dreaming big and making your vision a reality  And  for me, it's like, I've always had this fear of rejection and fear of not being heard and just  being the person that people notice because She was smart and she did well and, you know, she was chasing the accolades or just chasing being the good kid. 

My mom always tells people that I was a really good kid. And, you know, at heart, I think I am like, I want to do good. But at the same time, sometimes I feel like guilty or shamed that I'm not good enough.  A big part of that was, like, confronting my anxiety that I have, like, on what could go wrong. And in episode 15,  uh, with the fire chief talking about his, like, disbelief in anxiety, like, he doesn't believe in it,  I learned that, you know, it's not that he doesn't believe in anxiety,  it's that he was trained to cope with it, right?

Like he didn't have time for anxiety. So that really taught me something big. Like it taught me to have like a sort of risk management about the scenarios that I was fearing in my life. Like, Oh my gosh, what if we lose our house because I don't have a job because I'm laid off and it just went on? And what if I show up on instagram or show up on social media and my friends and my family they're gonna judge me or even my old employee friends and  It's just all of these fears of like what if and what if and what if and it's like Yeah, it's like what if all the bad shit happens, but then it's like you stop and you think and you tell anxiety It's like wait Like, thank you for the warning.

Thank you for bringing these fears up and for telling me, like, what I should be concerned about so I can make a plan to, like, head it off, right?  That's really what managing your anxiety is. It's learning to put a plan together, like a, a risk management plan.  And so I really loved that conversation in episode 15 with the fire chief.

Um, if you haven't heard it, definitely go give it a listen to it. Especially if you've ever dealt with anxiety in any capacity. Now, I'm not a therapist, um, I'm not a mental health professional. I'm just an advocate and an enthusiast for mental health. And I think that everyone should, you know, really seek wellness and seek the peace that they deserve in their lives.

And  Yeah, that's what I'm talking about here. Like, to have that, you have to put boundaries in place, and sometimes you have to be bold about it,  right? And then you get the bliss,  but also in like bringing my shadow to light, I had to learn not just to manage my anxiety, but to soothe my inner child and the fear of making mistakes.

And as I mentioned earlier, like being seen and recognized  in times of those mistakes, because  I think it could be said for most millennial kids that, you know, they  were taught to,  I don't know, be perfect. Or maybe it was just, a lot of the women that I have talked to have come up this way where it's like,  you are afraid to make a mistake because it means you're not perfect. 

And to not be perfect,  It's almost like fucking soul crushing, like it's a death to your ego,  and we weren't taught  that mistakes are okay, that mistakes actually lead to growth, they lead to healing, they lead to just you becoming a better version of yourself, and that mistakes are life lessons.  And I, I, I really love that I've finally come to terms with that.

And if I could go back and tell my inner child, like,  it's okay that, you know,  she thinks you're loud. Like this girl told me when we were in high school, she's like, God, she's so annoying. And so I just have not wanted to be seen because a part of me always thought that I was annoying. It's like, people don't want to be around someone who's annoying. 

Then I like, think back, I'm like, you know, she was annoyed because I was talking loudly in a library.  Not that I was actually annoying. It was just the situation. This was just like, I, I mentioned in my stories on Instagram recently, and if you're not following me on Instagram, go check me out. I'm at gavi.

rumeli. But,  I had posted about over the Christmas break, The day after Christmas to be exact. Um, my daughter had a trampoline accident. She was playing crack the egg with her cousins and when she came down she landed on her shoulder um wrong and she fractured her collarbone  which really fucking sucked.

Um, that was the second time she's gone to ER while we have been visiting back home and  I Foreign felt awful because it happened on my watch again and it made me feel like I was an incompetent parent like I was neglectful like I wasn't there but I can't blame myself for that because  I'm human  like in neither times I didn't put her in danger she was outside playing with her cousins on a trampoline and she came down wrong.

Like, that's not her fault, that's not my fault, it's just the way that the situation was. But nonetheless, like,  my, my mom and my husband, like, they were upset that she was hurt.  I mean, with good reason, right? Like, their baby, like, the child that they love and care for and they want to see safe, was hurt. And, where was I?

Like, I was there, I was supposed to be there protecting her, and so they directed their anger for the situation at me, and that felt really awful,  but then, like, there was an officer on site there at the hospital, and he just reminded me that  oftentimes people's anger is misdirected, because they want someone to blame, they want someone to be mad at, and it's not necessarily you that they're mad at.

It's just the situation. So I was really thankful for that. But that just goes back to like me, I feel like I went off on a tangent. But it was like talking about, you know, soothing the inner child and making mistakes. Like that was a mistake. And  I feel like, normally, and I did for a little bit, like, crumble, like, inside, like, I was blaming myself, and then I had to have, like, this kind person remind me, like, he just said the one statement about, like, people misdirecting their anger, and that just, like, threw me into this whirlwind of, like, you know, he's right, like, it's not me that they're mad at,  so being able to self soothe like that, like, that has been amazing.

A really big win for me from 2024. And that was brought about by, you know, being able to look at my child self and looking into my shadow. And another,  another thing that had a really big impact  on me in 2024 was doing six figure school with Lindsay Schwartz of Powerhouse Women. The community, if you haven't checked it out, go do that because it's really amazing.

Um, but a lot of the program is both strategy and and mindset work. And the mindset work was really amazing. It also again had me reflecting on my childhood and  just really seeing how that has played out in my life in general, but also in how I am  learning to work for myself.  And that comes to my next thing of like facing discomfort in 2024.

Like a lot of that shit was super uncomfortable. Like no one wants to look at their shadow self or their, their lesser than self and try to  understand it or try to befriend it. And that's where practicing self compassion came in for me.  I've been practicing the self compassion workbook. Um, I can't remember the, the, um, Kristen Neff.

That's, it's by Kristen Neff and one other person. I don't remember his name. Uh, but it's been really great. I've actually been carrying the workbook around with me for four years back in 2020 when I sought out help. because I felt like  I just didn't have anywhere or anyone that I could turn to to understand the degree of grief and sorrow and overwhelm and burnout and  just  resentment that I was feeling for work,  for my family, for my family, for my husband. 

And it was awful. So I had, I had to seek help.  That was my rock bottom.  And in that work with my coach at the time, like she had suggested doing this,  uh, self compassion workbook. And I bought it. I, I like did maybe one chapter and then I never touched it again, but I've been carrying it around this whole time and finally I'm like, you know, I actually really want to dig into it.

So I think I'm like five or six chapters in now, which is pretty nice improvement from the first time I've tried and I'm still wanting to do it and it's just been It's  really amazing for like self work,  like having compassion for yourself, being able to soothe yourself, and being able to be a friend to yourself, say kind words, and just be understanding and non judgmental.

Like the amount of judgment that we put on ourselves is fucking nuts.  Like, why do we hold ourselves to this crazy, like, high  Standard, like, I'm not saying not to have high standards, like, have them, but have them be realistic. Like, if you think you're never going to make a mistake, like, you're going to be highly disappointed very often, especially if you are trying to do something new, like start a business or set boundaries.

Like, if you've never set boundaries before, like, don't expect yourself to be stellar at them.  Give yourself the time and space to like know like, oh, I may like give in on the boundary. Like  say that, for example,  for me, like it was  having my kids not be hugged if they don't want to be hugged. I come from a Hispanic family and when we greet each other, we give each other big hugs, maybe a kiss on the cheek  and like oftentimes my daughter doesn't even want to take a picture, much less like,  be touched or hug people, especially people that she doesn't know very well.

You know, my family, they live in a different city, so we don't see them as often as we normally would. We used to when we lived in that city, but now we don't live there.  And that took some adjustment for my family. And now, like, when I visit, I can see that they are making an effort to, like, just let my kids come to them.

And at first, it's a little, A little awkward from my side to see, because it's like, oh, like, they're, like, respecting my wishes. That's, like, nice, but also it feels foreign.  Like, I'm forcing something that doesn't feel right, but then it does, it's just different.  And so, having the self compassion of, like, knowing, like,  it's okay that this feels weird. 

Because you've never felt it before. Like, it's never been something that's been done. And it doesn't make it weird, it just makes it different. And it's okay that it's going to have some adjustment time, or an adjustment period.  So for me, that's what self compassion looks like. Is being able to tell myself, like, Hey, this is brand new and you're learning, and it's okay.

for it not to feel comfortable.  Another thing in facing discomfort is releasing control of situations that are outside of my power. Like,  I, I tend to be a control freak. I had a conversation with someone recently and I was telling them about how  I feel like I have to be in control of things, like, just because that's part of, like, my background and work.

And for me, work,  like, it was very important to me to be a good employee.  And  in my job, in my nine to five job that I had, I was a project coordinator. I've had um, a background in project coordination and like helping in project management.  And I always felt like I had to have  tabs. On all of the projects that were happening, all of the movement in each of the projects, because making sure that a project is gonna get completed is having a lot of moving parts. 

And I felt like I had to control them, and she was telling me like, yeah, it's more about like, not necessarily controlling all the things, but like, knowing what you will do if one shoe drops, or if something happens, like it's having,  this level of risk management, which is what I was talking about earlier with managing your anxiety.

And it feels like to me, it felt like it was going kind of hand in hand where my anxiety comes from me needing to control things that are out of my control.  So it's been helpful in learning that  I can release control and I can tell myself, like, I  am in control of this moment right now, in this second, for myself.

I can control my reactions, I can control my emotions, I can control my breathing, I can control myself. What I cannot control is how someone reacts, especially to a boundary I set. Like,  when I was just talking about setting the boundary for not having my kids, like, hugged if they didn't want to be hugged. 

Like I did get a little bit of pushback, not a lot, but I did get some and that was out of my control, the way that they would react,  and that's just something I had to be  okay with or come to terms with, that was out of my control.  Something else that I've been doing to kind of help me, like, feel more grounded or feel like it's okay to be out. 

Of control in this aspect of my life like as far as like me trying to control the outcome  Of how fast i'll grow on instagram or how quickly i'll sign clients or how quickly i'll have my Podcast be a top 10 podcast Or how like out of all like how are the things gonna happen? Like I want to have such a cold hard fucking grip on controlling those things and it's like you can't  All you can do is control the actions that you do to get you to those places. 

And that comes down to taking it one step at a time.  And, again, knowing that this is a new experience, and it's okay, that I'm still learning, and as much as I want to rush things,  You know, I have to be patient. I have to play the patient game in  In taking that one step at a time  and like learning to build this business I've had to learn to lead myself,  which has been pretty  Fucking hard.

Um, i've had to accept that I need help and that I don't know everything Um, i have been called a know it all At least a couple of times.  And so, sometimes accepting mentorship is kinda hard, because it, I don't know why, it's just,  it's hard for me to admit.  Or accept that I don't know everything and that I do need help.

And again, I think it's, it goes back to me when I was a kid  being seen as a smart one.  Like normally I'm the person to help people. I'm not the person to get help from people. And that's like a whole other issue in itself. But I. Have like I said come to learn that I can't do it all by myself. I need to have help  and  That's why I've sought out mentorship  in helping to learn how to do mindset and build a business and how to market myself  It's just, it's been a really big learning game for 2024.

And I think the biggest thing also in learning to lead myself is to like, stick to my plan that I set up for myself. Like I have this vision, stick to the plan,  despite the fear and doubt that I'm feeling of failing. Like I think that everyone has that fear of failure, right? And it's,  You're going to continue to fail if you don't try. 

If you do try. And you don't get it right, you learn something. And next time you try it, you can get a little bit better at it.  And another thing in learning to lead myself,  This one is, I think, something that a lot of people talk about.  And it's learning to rewrite your money story. Or learning to rewrite, like, the personal,  like, limiting, Learning to rewrite the limiting beliefs that you have.

Thank you.  And for me, it's that I've never been good with money. I've never  had someone to show me. But that's not true either, because my dad tried to show me. But he was trying to show me. How to invest in the stock market and I'm like, I need to learn how to do personal finance first Like I gotta learn to crawl Before I can like walk and sprint and do high jumps and everything else like to me investing is  a little intimidating but the more that I am looking into personal finances and learning about  money, the more comfortable it's starting to feel.

And I feel like I'm in a good place. So on that note, we're going to get to the portion now of what am I taking with me into 2025?  So for me, I'm going to control my own actions, reactions, and feelings, and that everything else will play out as it should. I mentioned earlier about being able to release control, well, I'm releasing control of everyone else but myself.

I'm only responsible for myself and my kids, but when it comes to controlling people, even then with kids, like, you can't control their every move, and you can't control how they react. But you can control how you react, especially if you're the mom who feels like you're snapping at your kids all the time. 

Like, I've felt that before, I've definitely felt it, where it's like, Oh man, I was such an asshole, why'd I do that? Like, why'd I lose my temper? And you can beat yourself up about it.  But instead of that, maybe next time be like, okay, I have a plan and this is how I'm going to  calm myself down. For me, I like to take a breath.

Like,  like I do that a lot. Like I have to take a deep breath in and let it out.  Sometimes I just tap my forehead or tap my chin or tap my collarbone and I'm not even really like saying anything.  I'm just kind of thinking like, okay, like, yeah, I lost my temper. That makes me feel like a shit mom. And I'm trying at the same time. 

That's all I can do. Which brings in the self compassion. Right? Another thing I'm bringing with me into 2025 is anticipating risk and making a plan for those worries that anxiety brings and not just sitting in the worry and the fear and the grief because that just makes me freeze.  Like nothing's gonna get done if I freeze,  right?

I gotta, I gotta execute the plan.  So for this year, You can look out for a few things from me to execute. The first thing you should keep your eyes peeled for is the journal challenge, the five day journal challenge that I did recently. I'm doing it again, but it's going to be an audio series. So that way you can just enroll in it whenever you want to.

The journal challenge is also going to be a quarterly live journal challenge. So Like, once a quarter, I'll be doing it live and you can join and I'll have, like, special bonus on that too, like an upsell  where you can get extra, like, Q& A time.  Or any kind of troubleshooting or anything that you need maybe journal prompts I'm still working at the details on that, but i'm excited about it.

Um  Another thing is that crossroads conversations is actually rebranding to blissfully bold boundaries And finally, I'm going to be relaunching Bold and Unfiltered. That is the premium podcast of this podcast, the Blissfully Bold podcast. So look out for that. I am super excited for all the things that I'm going to execute.

Maybe that's my, you know, I haven't thought of like a word for 2025, but I think that's going to be the word now that I'm saying it. Now I'm like, oh yeah, stick to the plan. Execute. I'm going, that's my word. Execute. Is that a good word though? I don't know. It's it makes me feel like something is on the chopping block,  but really or maybe it should be action I think it should be action I want you to go on Instagram at Gabby.

Romelli and like DM me. What are you looking forward to most? Are you looking forward to the audio series, to Blissfully Bold Boundaries, to the live journal challenges, or are you looking forward to forward to the relaunch of the bold and unfiltered podcast. All right, friend. Well, thank you for joining me on this 2024 reflection and what I'm taking with me into 2025.

Please rate and review on Apple podcast, and it would really help the show to be seen if you could share it with a friend. If you are a huge fan of the show,  share it. Don't be greedy.  All right.  That's it for me. I will see you next week on our typical scheduled day, Wednesday. So, Happy 

New Year!  Toodles!

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