Ep. 28 - Navigating Boundaries with Family During the Holidays

In this episode, I get into setting and defending personal boundaries, particularly during family gatherings over the holiday season. I share personal anecdotes, offering strategies to stand up for oneself and handle pushbacks effectively. I also emphasize the importance of mental preparation, making exit strategies, and accepting the responses to boundary-setting. 

I also give a sneaky peak for an upcoming launch of an audio series to help listeners practice daily reflections and use them in boundary setting. Tune in for tips on maintaining inner peace and confidence amidst holiday chaos.

00:00 Intro
02:59 Family Boundaries During the Holidays
05:06 Mindset Preparation for Family Gatherings
07:02 Handling Pushback and Overwhelm
07:43 Real-Life Example: Thanksgiving Overwhelm
09:13 The Importance of Standing Your Ground
17:00 Evolving Boundaries and Personal Growth
20:12 Exciting Announcements and Future Plans
22:33 Conclusion: Merry Christmas and See You in the New Year

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Transcript

There's something about the relationship that is making you uncomfortable,  and then you have to decide, do I want to sit through the discomfort of this relationship,  or do I want to sit through the discomfort of standing up for myself?  Really, it's, it's a hard choice, and you have to make it. You have to choose your hard. 

And yeah, you might feel fucking awful after you did it, like immediately after, but when you give yourself time to process, The conversation  and you reflect on  how you felt, you know, the, the days after and not just the immediate  time after you've said your piece,  then you'll understand like, yeah, this actually feels really good.

And it actually gave me this boost of confidence that I really needed.  And not just confidence, like courage to do it again. And again, and again, because you're going to have to do it again and again and again when you are setting boundaries, like, it is a forever thing. It's for the rest of your life that you're going to be setting boundaries because you are forever evolving. 

You are forever becoming a new person.  Hi, my name is Gabby Ramelli, and I'm your boundary advocate to lead you to a more peaceful life. Four years ago, I was stuck in a deep depression, a fog covered lake in the dead of night, with no idea of where to turn to get back to me. Or my own needs. After seeking professional guidance to lead me out of the darkness, advocating for myself, my boundaries and my overall wellbeing has become a daily practice of self care.

Here on the Blissfully Bold podcast, we'll chat about balancing life's chaos within ourselves and in everyday spaces, pumping the brakes on people pleasing and understanding our personal needs to create the peace and happiness we so crave and deserve. Join me every Wednesday for a new episode and dare to be blissfully bold.

Welcome to the Blissfully Bold podcast.  Hey friend, you're back. I appreciate you coming back every week. If you are loving the show, please go and show support by rating, leaving a review, and sharing with a friend. And now there is a new way that you can support the show. You can bookmark it. Buy me a coffee.

It's similar to Patreon in that it helps fund creator efforts to continue bringing value to you. You know that means releasing this show every week. So it would mean so much to me if you could go and visit my page  and buy me a coffee. Visit buymeacoffee.  com forward slash blissfullyboldpodcast.  Hey friend, welcome back to the Blissfully Bold Podcast, uh, holiday edition, maybe? 

I would call it more family boundaries holiday edition. Uh, as we move into Christmas next week and then after that is New Year's and, you know, we've just already had, you know, family gatherings, there's been holiday parties, Thanksgiving happened, and there's just more parties coming up, right?  And so when you get around all of these people,  particularly family,  because they're the most comfortable with you  and they've known you the longest and they feel like they can have an opinion on what you're doing in life, and maybe it's not necessarily that they're having an opinion, but they're having  questions  to how you're living your life. 

For example,  You know, parenting,  you become a parent, you don't parent the same way as your parent, and then they feel like, oh, maybe I should offer some advice, and it's like, well,  thank you, but no thank you,  we're going in a different direction,  or maybe it's that they want to offer you  career advice, because your little job  isn't, you know, what they deem,  I don't know, respectable? 

All of those things to say is that they require some kind of boundary. And it's the, maybe it's not those things in particular.  Today, we're going to be talking about what  you can do when you come into those situations. You have that self doubt of like, oh, like I have to stand up to myself and I'm just going to have to like take shit from people.

And, you know, that's probably going to happen. You just have to prepare yourself for it.  Yeah, so let's just dig into like  mindset here of going into the the family gathering and being prepared to Stand up for yourself and defend your boundaries And just defend your way of living really  So first things first when you go in you already are anticipating You This get together, right?

Maybe there's a lot of people.  Maybe it's a small gathering,  but either way, it's people who you've been around  for many, many years of your life.  And so, like I said, just a bit ago, they're comfortable around you, and they feel like they can just tell you their opinion about your life. And in a way, that's like, okay, that's nice.

It feels like, you know, there is that comfort there. But at the same time, it's like, well, I don't really want any feedback.  That's your boundary, right? You know, I'd really just love to Enjoy the holiday with you,  but I digress. Going back into mindset, so before you even get to the family gathering or get to wherever it is that you're going, maybe you're going out of town and you're staying there for a week or a few days or however long,  and  before you get there you have to anticipate the scenarios that could happen.

Now, this is a time when anxiety could be helpful  just a little bit  because Anxiety is the one telling you like, oh, what happens in this worst case scenario, or this worst case scenario, or what's going to happen if this happens? Ah!  Well, come up with a plan  for what happens when you come up with that situation.

Like, say you put your boundary in place and then  you  get met with pushback, or people laughing at you and not thinking that you're being serious.  Like, what are you gonna do? Are you gonna fly off the handle? Are you going to take a deep breath?  And just, like, nod and, like, walk away, or  not engage in the conversation?

Are you gonna actually tell them, like, Hey, I don't like what you're saying about me.  You know, I'd really appreciate if you quit.  Are you gonna do that? Like you have to think of your exit strategy, right? so For me what I like to do Um is I like to take a step outside  and i've told this story before But i'll go ahead and tell it again here because i've never told it on the podcast about  A Thanksgiving experience I had, not last year, but the year before. 

So at that Thanksgiving, I became very, very overwhelmed because there were a lot of people in a room and the TV was blaring with the football game on. And I just, I felt like there was just too much going on. I was way overstimulated. And then my son started crying, like at a very high volume. And I just kind of like, whew.

Lost it. And my cousin, like, took my side and was like, go outside and take a deep breath. Like, go and, like, collect your thoughts, collect yourself.  And so now,  when going into family functions, I think, like, okay,  if I get overwhelmed,  then what's my exit strategy?  For me, I'm gonna go outside  and take, like, three to five minutes. 

By myself with quiet. And if someone else wants to come with me, that's OK. As long as like they're not, you know, contributing to any more chaos. If they're just there to.  You know, keep me company or lend a listening ear anything like that. That's really really nice And if you can have those people around you who are willing to be that for you  Like that's fucking awesome I love that and so like even though it may sound like  Like you're going into this family function thinking like oh my gosh, i'm gonna have to defend myself  Like again, that's kind of anxiety working You and maybe doing a little bit of its job because it's prepping you for the fight that you are anticipating.

Now, is it going to be a fight? I don't know. But you have to get your mind right and ready to deal with that fight if there is one. Maybe there won't be one.  You don't know.  And it's not your responsibility to handle,  like, how someone responds to what you're saying.  All you can do is handle yourself and your response.

And so if they are laughing at whatever it is that you're setting your boundary around, which, you know, maybe they will, maybe they won't,  but if they're laughing and you're starting to feel overwhelmed, like, what are you gonna do?  Are you gonna,  you know, lash out at them, like I said earlier? Or are you gonna take a step outside, go take a walk? 

It's really up to you. Secondly,  after you get your mind right, you have to,  like I said, be okay with the response. Maybe it's not gonna be the response that you want it to be. And maybe after you say the things that you want to say,  you feel like you'll need to leave. And that's okay.  Even though it's Christmas? 

Even though it's New Year's Eve and you're going into 2025, like, think about it. If you're at a New Year's Eve party  and you're going into 2025, do you really want to start the new year with not standing up for yourself and not defending your boundaries and not defending your own peace of mind? No, you don't.

So  I'm going to say just grow a pair. It's really fucking hard to set boundaries. It is. I'm not even going to pretend that it's not, because like I mentioned in the beginning, you doubt yourself  and you're like, what if and what if and what if?  What the fuck if?  You are never going to know unless you actually do the damn thing. 

So you can keep fearing it  and you can keep letting whatever is bothering you fucking fester,  or you can finally handle it head on.  And to me, like, head on is scary,  right? No one wants to see like something barreling down at them. And it's like, Oh God, like I have to face this. And it's like, yeah, it's almost like do or die. 

It's, it's like contributing to the death of like your inner peace and the death of like who you want to become, who you want yourself to be, but you're too scared for the fear of what your family's going to say.  Like believe me, I know what it's like to be there. In fact, I'm still kind of there right now.

I just had a  conversation this past weekend  With my cousins  who are talking like mess to me. They were poking fun Which they usually do but it pissed me the fuck off  because It's something that they've poked fun at for a long time and i'm just over it  super over it.  And You I told them I'm like, hey, like what you're saying is really rude and like they laughed it off  They thought it was a joke.

Maybe I don't know but at least I said my piece And they know how I feel about the situation. And so if they do repeat it, you know, I can walk the fuck away. Or I can remind them again, like, Hey, don't take it up with me. Go take it up with so and so. Like, just stop.  Stop poking the bear.  And, you know, eventually people will figure it out. 

And they'll probably label you as being uptight. Or, you know, being this and this.  saying something mean behind your back and you have to be okay with that being there a percussion too of you standing your ground.  You're not going to people please everyone.  That's the whole point of having boundaries is you're stopping being a people pleaser. 

Yeah, are you still gonna have some tendencies to do it every once in a while? Yeah, you fucking are because people pleasing doesn't just come and go it's like a forever thing and you have to Every step of the way implement a boundary and you have to remember That sometimes you're not going to be great at holding up that boundary  sometimes You're not gonna have the strength to really fucking fight the fight because it's like how many times have I said this and When you're in that situation where it's like you've said it multiple times and you keep repeating yourself Then you have to like decide like is this a relationship that I want to carry into  2025 or forward with me?

Is it something that I want to have to keep defending myself about? Or is this just going to be a like a sometimes relationship where it's like, oh, I see you occasionally But you know, I don't we don't really have to have a relationship in between  And that's not to say that you're not on good terms when you do see each other,  you know, it's fine We it's like when that's what's that saying where you have like old friends and it's like Oh, it's like we picked up right where we left off Like, yeah, that's great.

Like, you can still have a bond somewhere else and still not have to endure, like, whatever it is that's bothering you about this relationship.  And if you want to, like, dig into more about  releasing relationships, especially toxic relationships with friends or family, then check out episode 20 of the podcast, and I'm talking about toxic friendships there.

And even if it doesn't feel like it's a toxic friendship, like, there's something about the relationship that is making you uncomfortable,  and then you have to decide, do I want to sit through the discomfort of this relationship?  Or do I want to sit through the discomfort of standing up for myself? 

Really? It's it's a hard choice and you have to make it you have to choose your hard  and Yeah, you might feel fucking awful after you did it like immediately after but when you Give yourself time to process The conversation  and you reflect on  how you felt, you know, the, the days after and not just the immediate time after you've said your piece,  then you'll understand like, yeah, this actually feels really good.

And it actually gave me this boost of confidence that I really needed.  And not just confidence, like courage to do it again. And again. And again. Because you're going to have to do it again and again and again. When you are setting boundaries. Like, it is a forever thing. It's for the rest of your life.

That you're gonna be setting boundaries. Because you are forever evolving.  You are forever becoming a new person  like you learn and you learn like I don't know about you  But when I see My old facebook posts like, you know how facebook gives you the memories  Like, I see Facebook posts from like 2010, 2011, I'm like, ugh, that girl was so annoying. 

I'm like, I'm so embarrassed that I even said that or wrote that, like, ugh. I don't delete them. I know someone who said that she does delete them and I just, I leave them there to show me how much I've grown over the years and becoming who I am and like, just,  it's a journey. It's like a story.  Like, all those stupid little girl comments, that's what it feels like to me.

Like, I was just young and dumb.  But, again, it shows me how much I've grown.  And think of the relationships that you had, like, back in your twenties, in your bar days.  In your let's go out to the club in corporate attire  Because i'm pretty sure That you millennial moms like know exactly what the fuck i'm talking about Um, especially if you've seen any of the memes on instagram with like a blazer And a skirt and heels and like some chunky jewelry to go to the club 

Oh, that makes me laugh so hard so anyway, um  Yeah, like looking at that person And the people that you used to hang out with then. And thinking about your life now, like, that's probably not the vibe anymore. And do you really want to be hanging out with someone who's still doing that?  No.  You've set boundaries for yourself,  grown as a person,  and you're gonna have to expect that your boundaries are evolving, too.

And that's something that I have learned while I am on this entrepreneurial journey both with my podcasting and actually  creating a business and  selling that.  Like it is definitely this major journey and  I  Feel like i'm starting to get over the fear stage. Like yeah, i'm still scared. It's still really fucking scary but at the same time i'm like I feel like I have a vision now and like I know the direction that I want to go and it feels really, really fucking good.

And I am so excited for 2025. So on that note, I'm just going to go ahead and  end it there. Um, stand up for yourself this holiday season. Today is the last episode. for Christmas. Uh, next week is Christmas, so I won't be releasing an episode then. I'm going to actually spend the time with my family, but I will be back for a New Year's podcast episode to recap 2024.

So stay tuned for that. And also I have something really exciting coming up. So if you were around, Hmm,  I think it was around Thanksgiving.  I did a five day microjournaling challenge on Instagram, and I am going to continue doing that. But if you missed it, I'm going to have an audio series that you can purchase  to do your own microjournaling challenge.

And you might be saying,  I don't want to fucking journal. Like who has time to journal? I'm busy.  Yeah, I get it. You're busy.  You're also a planner, OK? Like you like to plan out your day. You like to plan the things because you're forgetful as fuck. Okay, let's just face that  This planner that I have the daily planner sheet for the overthinking high achiever.

You can go and get it download it on my instagram My instagram is at gavi. ramaylee And it's in the link tree in my lincoln bio  and  in the five day microjournaling  challenge  I challenged you for five days to use that daily planner sheet, both as a planner  and also as a journaling space. Now microjournaling, I'm going to have to like do an episode just by itself on microjournaling, but it's just like literally writing like a post it note to yourself, but on the daily planner sheet instead of a post it.

You can stick a post it on there if you want to,  but it's like just a little reminder to yourself like, how was I feeling this day?  What did so and so say that pissed me off? And this would actually be really great to use if you are, like, at your family's for the entire week. You can just write the little annoyances  or the things that you love that you forgot that you love spending time with your family because, I don't know, they do this really great tradition that you don't do in your life and you really miss it, like nostalgia, right?

I feel like it's a mixed bag. Visiting your family like it's nostalgia and it's also like, uh, annoyance Right? I feel like that's just my Emily.  Anyway, so  stay tuned for that audio series. I am so excited for it. All right. Well, you have a Merry Christmas and I will talk to you in the new year.  Alright, toodles, my friend. 

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