Ep. 24 Heartache and Healing: Talking Grief After the Death of a Spouse with Brenda Mundt

In this heartfelt episode, I take you through a raw conversation about grief with Brenda Mundt, a certified breath coach and grief recovery method specialist. Brenda opens up about her journey of healing after losing her husband in September 2021 and shares her insights on navigating grief, particularly during the holiday season. She discusses her personal experiences, the importance of support systems, and the transformative power of breathwork. Tune in to discover valuable advice for managing grief and embracing healing through self-care and personal growth.

0:00 A Heartfelt Christmas Memory
3:53 Meet Brenda Mundt
6:52 The Power of Connection
9:14 Honoring Loved Ones
11:42 Coping with Loss
14:37 The Importance of Support
26:09 Coping with Anger and Habits
27:40 Managing Responsibilities After Loss
34:41 Seeking Professional Help
40:02 Grief Recovery Method Program
45:47 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Brenda Mundt is a certified breath coach, grief recovery method specialist, and host of the Heartache, Health, and Healing podcast. After the unexpected loss of her husband in 2021, Brenda found healing through breathwork and the Grief Recovery Method. Inspired by her journey, she founded Energized Life Wellness to help others navigate emotional healing, embrace their authentic selves, and live with energy, joy, and purpose.

Connect with Brenda:

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brendmundt
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100015947192855&mibextid=LQQJ4d
• LinkedIn:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/brenda-mundt-b6b3352a?trk=contact-info
• Website: https://www.energizedlifewellness.com/

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Transcript

The first holiday, the first  Christmas without him,  um,  his family was doing it like for Christmas. It was like a couple of weekends before the actual holiday itself.  And because of the gifts that I had gotten them, because I had gotten them, um,  a canvas that had, you know, a really nice saying with a picture of him in it. 

And so that's why I wanted, that's why I was giving them all for Christmas. So  I wanted to spend the holiday with them. And that first time, that first holiday, even though it wasn't on the day was still super hard. And  I don't know if I'm gonna be able to say this without crying, but  that,  that night  I had a dream, that next day I was supposed to meet with his family for the holidays,  that night I had a dream that he was, he came home  and I.

When he came home and he rolled up in the door, the first thing he would say is, Boys, daddy's home.  Oh.  Which was our cats.  I love that.  It was never, honey, I'm home. It was like, boys, daddy's home. That 

is so cute. I love that.  

And somebody was there in the house with me. He came walking in and he said that and also I'm like, oh my God, I'm like, he's back. 

And so I remember walking down the hallway of our house and we had like a laundry room there. We always, you know, drop some of the stuff and all that and I'm like, oh my God, I'm like, you came back. I'm like, you're here.  And he just kind of looked at me, smiled and I came walking back down the hallway and whoever was there with me and I'm like, I said, he's here. 

And also he came walking. I'm like, can't you see him? And he was walking down the hallway and he came towards me and he gave me the biggest hug  and he said to me  everything's gonna be okay. 

And it was the timing of that, because it was that morning, that day, I was spending the holidays with his family.  So,  the timing of that was just remarkable. And, I mean, this happened in  And 21. And I remember it just like it was the other day. 

Hi, my name is Gabby Ramelli and I'm your Boundary Advocate to lead you to a more peaceful life.

Four years ago, I was stuck in a deep depression, a fog covered lake in the dead of night, with no idea of where to turn to get back to me or my own needs. After seeking professional guidance to lead me out of the darkness, Advocating for myself, my boundaries, and my overall well being has become a daily practice of self care. 

Here on the Blissfully Bold podcast, we'll chat about balancing life's chaos within ourselves and in everyday spaces, pumping the brakes on people pleasing and understanding our personal needs to create the peace and happiness we so crave and deserve. Join me every Wednesday for a new episode and dare to be Blissfully Bold.

Welcome to the Blissfully Bold Podcast.  Hey friend, you're back. I appreciate you coming back every week. If you are loving the show, please go and show support by rating, leaving a review and sharing with a friend. And now there is a new way that you can support the show. You can Buy me a coffee. It's similar to Patreon in that it helps fund creator efforts to continue bringing value to you.

You know that means releasing this show every week. So it would mean so much to me if you could go and visit my page  and buy me a coffee. Visit buymeacoffee.  com forward slash blissfullyboldpodcast.  This week on the podcast, we have Brenda Munt, who is a certified breath coach, grief recovery method specialist, wellness coach, personal trainer, and fitness instructor.

She is also the host of the Heartache Health and Healing podcast, where she shares her journey of loss, healing, and personal transformation, while inspiring others to live a radiant life.  After losing her husband unexpectedly in September 2021, Brenda turned to the grief recovery method and a transformational breathwork journey to find healing and strength. 

These experiences profoundly changed her life, leading her to become trained and certified in both so she could help support others on their own path to emotional well being.  Through her business, Energize Life Wellness, Brenda empowers individuals to navigate their emotions, release energy blockages, and connect with their authentic selves. 

She is passionate about guiding people toward emotional healing, inner vitality, and a life filled with energy, joy, and purpose.  This has been one of the hardest episodes for me to edit because  I have to pause so often to get it together.  Brenda was so, like,  open and honest and vulnerable and  so fucking raw  with grief and Truly it was a gift  to me  For her being so vulnerable and it's also a gift to you to know that Grief is really fucking hard  And you're not alone in it  so please go and seek support if you are struggling with it  Good morning, happy to have you here, Brenda.

Thank you for joining me. 

Well, thank you for having me, Gabby. I appreciate it.  

Yeah, absolutely. I'm actually, I'm excited about the conversation today because I'm always excited,  but also I do understand that it is a tender topic. Um, we, today we are going to be talking about.  Uh, having, I don't want to call it the holiday blues because it's not that, it's like having this  emotion of loss in the holiday time.

I know that it can be hard for families who have lost, you know, a partner or a grandparent or a parent or somebody who has been integral to their family component.  And so we're going to be talking about that today, but before we get into that  Let's let's keep it upbeat for just a minute Okay So I like to start off the conversation with asking people about what their superpower is So what is your superpower brenda? 

I would have to say my super power is  The ability to be able to connect with people You At a level that they, it's like, we feel that it's like, they feel my energy, that they feel very comfortable being very open  with me and speaking very candidly about stuff that's going on with them and their emotions and stuff like that.

I would have to probably say that would be my superpower.  

Yeah, I love that. Being able to connect. I think, I think it's a very like important gift to have. And I think that many people might look at it as like, well, you're just being like overly sensitive because you're like, you're opening yourself up to have all of this, like.

Hardship or these hard feelings or these sad feelings like basically people dumping. Oh, they're like emotional  They're like emotional baggage on you, right and I feel like  You know you could it is an energetic exchange, right? 

Yes, 

and It can be exhausting but at the same time it is rewarding And that is a big reason of why I do this work here on the blissfully bullet podcast and you actually also have a podcast Correct heartache health and healing.

So You know, we're one in the same. We're good. We're good.  I love it. Um, so if you haven't already like heard of Brenda's podcast, go check it out. Uh, it's really great. And she has really awesome guests. She actually talked to Julie Tran too, who was on a previous episode. She was on episode 19. So go check that episode out and also check out Brenda's episode.

What episode number is it? Do you know?  

I, Oh, I honestly, I do not.  

Okay. That's okay. But it was 

just released the same time, the same week yours was, I think it was just last week it was released. Yeah, 

you're right. It was, it was released the same week. So whatever the date is on episode 19, look at that date and go, go to Brenda's podcast and check it out.

And you can get like a double whammy of a Julie trans  and she has like such great information about marriage. Um, and that's. Actually, like, a really great segue of what we're going to be talking about today, because we're talking about your marriage, right? Like, you're, like, you are widowed.  Um, so tell me more about  how, like, when, when did your husband pass? 

I have lost my husband in September 14th of 2021  and actually  hope I can keep my, can I swear on here?  

Oh, absolutely. I 

hope I can keep my, can keep my shit together  because today is actually our, would have been our 14th wedding anniversary.  

Oh my gosh, Brenda, why did you book today?  

I knew full on because I, I actually, when I, I pondered it, but I'm kind of like, no, you know what?

I might be. I just, it's part of my life. It's part of my reality. And I figured it was just kind of a, you know, yeah, I'll be sitting in my emotions and all that. And I actually just had a bit of a meltdown 20 minutes prior to getting online with you.  

Yeah, that's understandable. Like, first of all, like  one happy anniversary, but also I am very sorry that you're navigating. 

That today like I know that that does bring a lot of pain. Um, my uncle actually passed in 2021 also probably around the same time in september  And um, he was actually very young. I think he had just turned 39 or 40. He passed from covid Oh my gosh  I know and so I I've seen  what  grief brings You  You know in my aunt, um, I I say she's my aunt.

She is my aunt, but we're like three years apart So she's like my sister And so it has like having someone that's close like that and seeing You know, not only throughout day to day life of what grief brings, but particularly in the holiday season, especially for her, she has small children.  And so I know that that can bring up even more like memories or grief like that.

So how do you navigate it in times of  like happy memories, right? Like, like today, like you mentioned, it's your anniversary. And. Like that's got to be hard too, right? 

Oh, absolutely. So for me, I mean, you know, grief is different for everybody because everybody's relationship is different. You know, their relationship is different, the amount of time that they spent together.

I mean, all of that plays into everything that we, that we're feeling.  So for like, for me, it's like today, um,  I actually, I wear, I have myself snuggled up in one of his favorite flannel shirts  and And that brings me comfort.  And then even around, you know, like the holiday season and all that, I just,  and whatever people think and all that, but I just, I like where there's certain calls of his, cause he was a big snowmobiler and he was a big Articat fan and I kept all of his Articat clothing, uh, some of it I've had tailored to fit me better.

And some of it I just wear oversized, but on, you know, a special certain occasions and all that, that having feel that feeling like I wrapped up in him  

and it 

just, it brings me comfort. So days like today I have one of his favorite final shirts on because it's our wedding anniversary. And that just kind of helps make me feel a little bit better at a really hard, sucky day. 

I love that. And it does make you feel like, or I don't know, you tell me, I'm telling you what you should feel.  Like, does it make you feel like,  like his presence is, like,  I know that you said you feel the comfort from wearing, you know, his clothing and you know, feeling like you're all wrapped up in it.

But do you feel his presence at all?  

There, it, it, it varies. There are times that I do and there's times that I, it's not as strong. Um, I mean, just like literally the other day, this past week, I, cause I have his ashes here at home with me and I have a little, on one of my end tables, I have this picture and just kind of like this whole little display. 

And I was over by his picture and his urn and I just felt like this massive energy come over me. And it was just like, I could almost feel like, I don't know if it was like a spiritual hug from him, like coming up from behind me, like, like it's going to be okay.  And I just started crying,  but it was,  well, you know, brings me, brings me to tears and all that.

But yet at the same time, something like that, when that happens to me, it's very comforting  because it's just, it's still having that connection with him.  And to me, that's really important. And some people, you know, where they think that's, it's all kinds of stuff that you make up and all that. But I don't believe that  because I have definitely have felt this energy.

I mean, I'm three years into my journey and I still have definitely have felt this energy from time to time and his presence and that, that brings me comfort  and I, I'm grateful for that  and always grateful for that.  

For people who are navigating  grief in the very early stages, like it's very fresh, you know, within the first, I'd say month, two, two months.

What advice would you give for them to  Manage that grief and begin. I don't know. Can you even begin to start healing that early on?  What would I 

I personally don't think so because there's just so much to process  Um,  and the thing is I always remember when I when I first lost my husband I had a a friend of mine that I worked with that had lost his wife at a very young age Uh to uh colon cancer And he had reached out to me and you know, he said hey, i'm very sorry for your loss And he said Just know that  people are going to say a lot of really stupid things  and he's like they mean well That comes from their you know comes they comes from their heart They mean well and everything but  on the receiving end of it.

It's gonna sound really stupid and he was totally right 

So what were some of those stupid things that you heard so that way people who are listening, you know for the listener  Maybe don't say these things to someone who's grieving 

Yeah, it's, it's like, it's the, Oh, he's in a better place. It's like, no,  no, he should be here with me right now.

He should be here. You know, it's like, no, he's not in a better place. So it's like, you know, and I get what they're saying and all that, because it again, depended upon your beliefs. And, um, You know, but something like that is kind of like, or, oh, he's like, oh, he has such a good life and things like that.

It's just kind of like, and then I had, um, a very close friend of mine, a friend of ours, I should say, had made the comment to me how, oh, but you should just be grateful for the love that you guys shared and you guys had such a special relationship. And I mean, this was literally like within a few days, within the week of his passing.

And at that point in time, we're like, I was, I was not able to handle that and to take that in. And it took every ounce of me not to hang up on her. I'm like, I can't hear this right now. I mean, I understood what she was saying and all that, but it was kind of like, no, I'm like,  I got shortchanged. I got screwed. 

You know, he was taken from me way too early. We were supposed to have way more many years left together and no, this sucks. And I don't want to hear this right now.  You know, so it's,  I probably, the biggest thing that I can say is for people on the opposite side of it. Is just,  just let that person know that,  that you're sorry and that you're there for them if they need,  if they need to just kind of unload  and, and just, just listen  and just say, Hey, I'm here for you if you need a hug  or if you just need to kind of spew, you need to vent a little bit,  but don't sit there and try and make them feel better by saying, Oh, he's in a better place or, Oh, he lived a full life. 

When you're dealing early on in the grief journey, it's like, you're not, you can't  absorb that enough to make it  be okay that it's like, no, because you're just, you're, at that point in time, you're just, you're too hurt,  and it's just, it's too fresh, the wound is wide open.  Right. Yeah.  

What is something that you would have liked to have heard from someone, or would you have just preferred silence and a hug? 

Silence and a hug goes a long way.  Especially that hug.  Cause I'm a huggy person.  I'm all about the hugs.  Yeah. And then, you know, and I had a friend of mine. Um, we've been friends for like, you know, gosh, over 30 years or whatever. And we only get to see each other like maybe once or twice a year.  And a couple of months after he had passed away, we had gotten together and  she knew my husband.

And then she said to me, we were talking about it and all that. I asked the question and I'm like, I said, are you okay with me talking about him? I'm like, cause I. I like to talk about him because I like to keep his memory alive and share all the fun that we had and all that. And she's like, yeah, she's like, I'm totally fine with you talking about him.

And it was nice just having that open conversation with her. And just knowing that she was okay with that.  And, you know, so being able to talk about him and, and share things that we've gone through and all that. And, and the stories and the laughter and, and the silly things. And, you know, that, that just, you know, it brings me comfort and brings me joy.

And I feel good to do that.  But the thing is, I feel that there are times that some people on the other side,  they, they feel awkward and they feel uncomfortable. 

Mm hmm. 

And,  and, and there's still part of this that I'm navigating myself, you know, especially with my husband's family and, you know, coming up around the holidays and all that.

And it's the timing of this is actually kind of unique because I was just, was having conversations with my mother in law about the upcoming holidays. And so we never had any children.  And so it's just me.  And  I don't,  when they, when they're doing stuff together and all that, it's like, I don't find out about it until it's like, Almost time for the gathering to happen. 

And then it's kind of like,  and this is my, this is how I'm receiving it. Now, if that's how it's intended or not, I don't know, but this is how I'm receiving it. So I just want to kind of put that out there.  

You 

know, I feel like I'm an afterthought. It's like, oh, well, if you don't have anything else going on, you can, you can join us, you know?

I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, well, thanks for letting me feel like an afterthought, you know?  And, um,  and so it's, it's hard. Cause it's like, I want to be. I want to continue being part of their lives. And I, and I do feel like I am, but there's still, you know, three years into it, this will be our fourth holiday season without him.

I just still feel there's that awkwardness and that uncomfortableness.  And, um, where it's like,  I don't know. And I haven't had the courage to have that, those hard conversations with them yet. And I think I probably need to  is, um,  you know, it's like,  cause I, I would feel that it's like me being there by myself with them. 

It's just this constant reminder that he's not there,  you know, but, but in the same token, it's hard for me because this sucks that I'm with you guys and he's not with me as well.  So it's just kind of like that. It's a, I just feel like it's this battle,  you know,  and then where I feel like having children and if you put children in the mix of it, that kind of puts a whole different twist on things. 

So, do you ever feel  that  you feel awkward around being around his family because, you know, it is a memory that, you know, is brought up?  Or do you feel like it's a better opportunity because it is his family to have more of those, like, happy memories and talk about him more and really, like, honor him?  His memory and the things that he's done or the stories and things like that. 

Yeah. I really want to, I feel like it's more, I mean, for me, it's like wanting to, to honor his memory. Cause that's, that brings me joy.  I guess he was all about making people happy and making people smile and making people laugh.  And that was what he was all about. And there were times that he could be home and he could be miserable and all that, but yet he would, he'd be in front of other people.

It was like, he'd put on this face and be like, okay, you know, I'm here to make people happy. And. To bring them joy. And, um,  and I think for me, it's just, I,  and I think, I feel like I'd probably bring some of it on myself and feel some of that,  but I just feel like there's this,  you know, when I'm with them,  that there's the sadness. 

And I think that the sadness is to bolt from both on both sides. 

You 

know, because there's that void  that what brought us all together. And now he's, you know, that's, he's gone.  And, but, uh, yeah, so it's something I'm still navigating and trying to figure out and, you know, like the first holiday, the first  Christmas without him. 

Um,  his family was doing it like for Christmas. It was like a couple of weekends before the actual holiday itself.  And because of the gifts that I had gotten them, because I had gotten them, um,  a canvas that had, you know, a really nice saying with a picture of him in it.  And so that's what I wanted. That's what I was giving them all for Christmas.

So  I wanted to spend the holiday with them. And that first time, that first holiday, even though it wasn't on the day was still super hard. And  I don't know if I'm gonna be able to say this without crying, but  that,  that night  I had a dream, that next day I was supposed to meet with his family for the holidays. 

That night I had a dream that he was, he came home  and I, When he came home and he rolled up in the door, the first thing he would say is, Boys, Daddy's home!  And it was just our cats. And, um,  

I love that.  

It was never, Honey, I'm home. It was like, Boys, Daddy's home!  

That is so cute. I love that.  

And somebody was there in the house with me.

He came walking in and he said that and also I'm like, Oh my God, I'm like, he's back.  And so I remember walking down the hallway of our house and we had like a laundry room there. We'd always, you know, drop some of the stuff and all that. And I'm like, I'm like, Oh my God, I'm like, you came back. I'm like, you're here. 

And he just kind of looked at me. He smiled. And I came walking back down the hallway and whoever was there with me and I'm like, I said, he's here.  And also he came walking. I'm like, can't you see him? And he was walking down the hallway and he came towards me and he gave me the biggest hug.  And he said to me,  everything's going to be okay. 

And it was the timing of that because it was that morning, that day. I was spending the holidays with his family.  So  the timing of that was just remarkable. And I mean, this happened in, in 21 and I remember it just like it was the other day. 

So I don't know how spiritual you are,  but I totally believe that our past loved ones visit us in dreams. And I like literally got chills when you were telling that story because. It's like he knew that's what you needed in that moment.  And you got that hug and I love that. I love that so much. So  I know a big part of grief is, is feeling the sadness, right?

Yes. 

But another aspect of grief is feeling anger.  And sometimes people develop habits. Or behaviors to Not feel  the sadness or the anger like I don't know if you've ever read the book wild or seen the movie wild Um, it's with reese witherspoon and she it's about the author cheryl strade  And it's her  I guess like memoir of When her mom had passed away, 

okay, 

and she walked Like a portion of the pacific crash trail You  And it was to kind of come back to herself and like become herself again because in like the  moments after her mother's death death and the moments before walking that trail she had kind of  developed this self destruction type of behavior where she was like You know, being promiscuous or she was just being reckless.

She started a drug habit, things like that. So how  did you handle the anger and did you develop any habits as a coping mechanism or way to fill a void? 

Um,  I, you know,  when I, after he passed away, I had just had so much going on that I needed to deal with because of the situation that I was in. I mean, we had a, we had a fairly large house. We had seven acres of land. He had a ton of stuff. He had a 1300, no 1800 square foot outbuilding that was full,  that was full of equipment and tools, and it was just insane. 

And  I was not able to  stay living in our house. For various reasons. And at that point in time, the housing market was like really hot.  And so I was put in a situation where  I needed to react to things very quickly.  And I know I had a, um, friend of mine, a friend of ours had said, you know, Oh, don't make any hasty decisions.

You know, they always say, give yourself a year. And I'm like, I don't have a year  because I'm not in that type of situation. I don't, I don't have that luxury to just give myself a year.  And, and my husband and I, we had, we had the shitty tough conversations that in the event, anything like this would happen,  he's like, this is what you need to do. 

He's like, you need to sell all my stuff, get rid of all my shit. You need to sell the house and get into something that you can manage better on your own.  And so I knew, and after he had passed, I was like laser focused.  And I still yet to this day, what I all accomplished with the help of family and friends blows my mind of what I got done in a matter of like four months. 

So it's like,  and maybe that was kind of why I didn't have that time to really feel all that other stuff because I was so laser focused on what I needed to get done for my  survival.  You know, my financial survival, my livelihood and everything.  But the thing is though, once I got to the point where I had all that done  and then it's like I had sold all of his equipment, his tools and all that,  I had sold our house. 

I had  Um, negotiated post occupancy so I could stay living there for a few months until I could find my own place.  

And 

I had this point in time where  all of a sudden it freaking hit me like a ton of bricks.  Because  majority of his stuff was gone,  other than the Articats, all of his Articat stuff that I kept. 

The house was sold. Even though I was still living there, it was no longer mine.  And it just like, it just like everything came flooding in this wave just surrounding me and came crashing down on me because 

at that 

point in time I never felt so lost and so empty in my entire life. And it was like the worst feeling ever. 

Yeah, I like that you describe it as a wave, because I do feel that  more often than not, that it does come in waves.  

Yes, yeah. Yeah.  

So you said that you had a lot of support from family, right? And I think that it's important to  have that space alone, you know, to grieve, but also you do need a support system that is there for you, even if you don't want them to be there. 

So can you tell us a little bit about how you navigated  having that support system and If you ever felt like you wanted them to go away, or if you liked having them there in  what you wanted out of your support system.  

I truly am like with, uh, I'm going to use my sisters because they're like, they're my, and still continue to be my biggest support system  there.

Um, I mean, anytime that I needed them, when I needed help going through all this stuff and all that, cause it was such a, it was a massive, massive undertaking  and they  did not even hesitate. I mean, they came out there and helped me out and, and, um,  but I don't, and maybe because they're my sisters and they know me so well, but they also kind of knew like what I need in my space. 

So I didn't have, that wasn't too much of a struggle for me. And if it was, you know, I, I kind of got to a point where they're, they would maybe ask me like, Hey, do you want to do this? And I'd be like, I'm like, no, I'm like, I just really need to kind of like decompress and just be by myself with my cat. And  

with your boys, boys, 

with my boys, 

you 

know, so with them, it was a lot easier, like I said, because they, they know me so well.

And 

um, but then when I, when I needed my space, I'm just kind of like, I know, I'm like, I can't, I can't, can't go there right now. I can't comprehend that. I'm just, I need to,  I need to be by myself and just kind of have my, my moment.  

Great.  And that's really. It's amazing that your sister, like, they're your sister, so they know you very well, right, and they know when you need space, but I feel that sometimes, like, say, for instance, if it were your in laws that had come,  right, and they were trying to support you and, you know, be there for you when he passed, and, like, if you don't want them around, maybe, because that's not the person that you want to confide in or that you want to feel comforted by, how would you, like, approach a situation like that, like put up some boundaries as to  like, thank you for wanting to support me, but at the same time, like I need the space. 

Yeah. I really, I feel that it really just boils down to having those, those tough conversations  

and 

then just being open about it and, and, and hoping that there will be receiving of it well. And just know that it's like, it's not coming from a hurtful place. It's like, I love you and I appreciate you and I appreciate your support and all that.

But it's like, but right now  I just, I just need my, I need my time and my space.  

Right. 

Yeah. And 

I feel like in times of grief, like you can't always be diplomatic either. Cause sometimes it's just like,  like you say what you mean, really? Like you don't actually have a filter  and it just like comes out.

Great. So you acknowledge that. People are there for you, right? But at the same time, it's like,  I don't want you to be in, I'm being angry and I'm saying hurtful things because I want everyone around me to hurt as much as I do right now.  Did you ever feel like that?  

Actually, I did not. Uh, I, and I really do truly believe that was because early on,  I seeked out help  because I knew that I was not going to be able to handle this on my own. 

Right. And was that like help from family and friends or was that professional help?  

It was a,  I went to outside sources. Uh, so there was a program called the grief recovery method  and I had,  it  I like to say it found me.  And cause I do truly believe that it did. Cause I was in just this really,  for me, it was a very dark place and, you know, going through social media and all of a sudden it just happened to it.

I'm sitting and thinking about this. I'm like, I have got to do something because I do not like where I'm at right now.  And.  And this came across my feet and everything. And then, so I, I looked into that and everything. I spoke with the founder's son directly, and it was something, it was something that resonated with me and I felt comfortable and I felt good with it. 

So I had went into a, um,  instead of doing like the program itself, which is like eight weeks, I went into the training to, I'm kind of like, well, if I'm going to do this, I'm going all in so I can turn around and help other people that are going through the same journey.  And so I did a four day massive intensive training. 

So, which was going through the program itself along with, so combined with the training to help others as well.  And so when I went into that, I  felt completely lost.  But when I got done after that four days, it was like four days of an emotional rollercoaster. It was so emotionally hard. It was, oh my gosh, it was just insane. 

Bye.  Putting in all that work by the time I got done on day four,  I felt so much lighter.  And like that, that pain and that hurt that I was feeling so intensely after I lost him  had been lifted.  I mean, I couldn't, all of his picture boards that I, and I still have them actually in the office behind me from his funeral. 

I had those off in a spare bedroom at my other house. I could not even go in there and look at them because every time I did, I had like a massive major meltdown.  And. But now I was finally actually able to a point where I can look at them  and yeah, there, I get, you know, the tears are there, but not as intensive, but it's, it's tears in a different way. 

Like we have such amazing memories and,  and now it brings me more joy  than, than so much pain.  So, so I did that piece of it,  which had helped me early on. And then down the road, continuing to find tools to help myself is when I came across and started diving into breath work,  which was another huge component and still is a huge component in my healing journey. 

So I think just because I did so, cause I'm into so much growth and personal development and all that,  I knew how I was  and where I was going  and I didn't like where I was going. So 

I 

knew I needed to do something. And then, so that's when I started.  Seeking outside sources.  

I just had like this like aha light bulb moment.

It's like I was asking earlier about  Kind of spiraling right into this self destructive Kind of path and I feel like a lot of people Do go down that path in grief because they don't know how to handle the emotion Or the feeling and I just want to applaud you for recognizing That that isn't a path that you wanted to go down and for seeking help very early on  And for actually  taking, like, not just yourself into consideration of healing yourself, but like, how are you thinking in that moment?

Like, if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this for everyone.  Like, how are you thinking that? 

I have 

said, I don't know. I don't know. I, because I was part of it's like, cause I mean, everybody's, we all go through some type of loss.  I mean, there's so many people surround grief around losing the loved one, and that's the first thing that they think of when it comes to grief, 

but 

grief comes in, in so many different  forms. 

You know, it's going through a divorce is a form of grief, losing your house, losing your job. It's all a form of grief  and,  and probably cause I'm just, I'm like the, I'm the kind of person that was like, I want to help people.  And so I think that's kind of like the part of me that just is like, I'm going to do this. 

I want to be able to turn around and help others as well.  So I think it's just probably, probably the part of me that is just wanting to always to help people and help people feel better. And I think that's kind of where that came from.  

Wow. You were amazing. That's all I have to say. You are so amazing.

And okay. So you mentioned that you did take this program. So not only for yourself, but to help others. So is that a service that you currently offer for people? 

Yes.  

Yeah, and what is it called? And can you tell us a little bit more about the offer that you have? 

So the grief recovery method program is, uh, so it's an eight week program that it helps step people through when they do the program, they get the actual book itself.

And then I guide them through all of that. And then each week has, you know, we complete a certain portion of the book and then there's questions that come along with it. And then each week we meet Together, whether it's in a group or one-on-one to go over all that and  it's like, I'm a heart with ears  . 

I  love that so much.

That image. It's so great.  . I love it. 

I can't, I can't take total credit for that because that came from the, the, the grief, uh, grief Recovery Institute. It's like the, my mentor. Was it said it was like he was a heart with, he said, we're heart with ears. And I'm like, Oh, I love that. I'm like, I want a shirt that says that I'm a heart with ears.

I 

love that so much. You're right. I might, I might start saying that too. I love that. 

But, uh, Anyway, so yeah, so I helped them kind of go through that whole part and it goes, it steps through, you know, like all, all the myths you hear about the grief and then how they talk about the stages of grief, which I think are a bunch of BS.  And, and, uh, because I get kind of annoyed with it because it's like, it's like, no, it's like grief is not that linear.

Yeah.  

You know, it's not like, cause when they say stages of grief, my, my brain puts stages and it's like, okay, now I'm feeling this. So when am I going to be over with this? I can get on to the next step so I can just be done with this.  You know, you just, you don't get done with grief,  you know, so I don't like it.

And maybe it's just because the way they're referring to it as stages. And it's like you, you fluctuate from one to the other and you, you might be angry now and then you might feel, you know, something else later. And then, but you might end up going back to the anger because something might've came up that pissed you off. 

About the whole journey that you're on. And so that's why I kind of get annoyed when we talk about the stages of grief. And it's like, yeah, you're going to feel all of that, but it's not, you're, you're not going from one to the next, to the next, to the next. It's, it's a whole big old mess.  

It's just a spaghetti monster 

of 

emotions.

It's all, it's all the, it's all the buoys floating around in the ocean crashing into one another. Oh gosh,  

it's a great image.  So,  if people want to work with you, um, is it online or is it in person? How do you offer your services? 

Uh, both.  Both online and in person. Yeah, I do  probably like most people. I mean, I do like the in person because it's just that you get that better connection.

But I mean, I'd like to be able to help others all over the place. Um, so that's why having this opportunity to be able to do stuff online is, is amazing to help others wherever they are.  

Yeah. 

And that's even like with the grief recovery method program and breath work as well. 

Okay, that was my question.

That was my question. It was about the the breathwork and if you incorporated it into that program that you do. 

Um, so I'm actually, I'm actually in the process of putting together a 12 week program. I'm calling it a Radiant Living Roadmap because  it's each week has a theme and they build one on top of the other and it's all about  Personal development, healing, starting with working on your inner child, dealing a lot with the emotional side of it, the stress, the anxiety, the limiting beliefs.

So each week builds one on top of the other. 

So I 

have like the lessons and then they have like journaling prompts that they go through to make them start thinking and, and start pouring out some of those emotions. And then each week we do a breathwork journey that ties into that theme for the week. 

And then so by the, it's a 12 week program and by the end of the 12 weeks, they should be,  feel comfortable to start living a more radiant life  because you know what? Cause life is too damn short. 

Oh, amen.  Amen.  Life is way too short, especially like for all kinds of things that come up for people, right?

And all of their limiting beliefs or roadblocks. Um, and I love that this program is meant to heal grief, but at the same time, Propel you into self growth. Yes  Wow, that's just because I feel like a lot of programs are one or the other, right? Like I don't see a whole lot of programs that are both of like healing grief like actively you're in the grief Like, you know, like you're in it  Like I feel like people look for like, oh, I need I need like a counselor I need someone to help me with this grief, but not necessarily to  You know have this you know moment of self growth and being more or better, like a better version of yourself, right?

Yeah. Yeah. And I think by a balance, it's like, I don't, I mean, some people that are feeling stuff really intense, you know, and  I mean, counselors definitely have their place and I, I'm not trying to replace that at all. You know, so if it's, if you're, if it's the type of person that's not into the whole,  Self development where they feel like they need more than that, but then by all means they definitely should seek out professional  help  through a counselor  

Awesome.

Well, thank you so much brenda for coming on the show. Thank you for having 

me gaby 

yeah, absolutely and like being open and vulnerable with us and telling us your story and I I really would love for you to have the most wonderful anniversary today and  Honestly like when the holidays come up and just  If you're here, or if you need someone, I am here for chats, hugs, whatever. 

Air hugs.  

I appreciate you, Gabby. Thank you so much. 

Absolutely. Thank you.  Bye.  All right. So.  As I mentioned in the beginning, it was a pretty, pretty  raw episode that was a little hard to get through at times. But again, I just want to thank Brenda so much for coming on the show and being so vulnerable and open and honest with us.

And  giving us opportunity to work with her, like, just having this conversation with her. It was Like so connected and she just has such a gift as she mentioned what makes her kick ass She has such a gift with like having heartfelt conversations with people and like feeling actually connected and I just you have to go check her out go and Look at her her offers and her page and all of that is going to be linked In the show notes.

So, all right. Well, thank you friend for coming back and I will see you next week. Toodles  Thanks again for listening and visit buy me a coffee at  buymeacoffee. com forward slash blissfully bold podcast for another way to support the show. And I will also link that in the show notes.  Oh, and one last thing before you go. 

Crossroads conversations for the month of December will be opening up very, very soon. So make sure that you stay tuned. To next week's episode to get the deets on the dates and  Follow me on instagram if you're not already doing it at gavi. remaylee Or at blissfully bold podcast And I will be like I said announcing the dates and the details soon.

So  Make sure you're listening