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The Blissfully Bold Podcast
A podcast talking all things boundaries, growth and courage for peaceful living. We dig in to boundaries for every day life and learn how to implement and maintain them.
The Blissfully Bold Podcast
Ep. 23 - Recognizing and Managing Depression: A Heartfelt Conversation on Mental Health and Navigating the Holiday Season with My Cousin Lisa
In this powerful episode of the Blissfully Bold podcast, I sit down with my cousin Lisa to discuss the multifaceted nature of depression, especially around the holiday season. The conversation covers our personal experiences, recognizing depression triggers, the role of supportive relationships, and methods for dealing with intrusive thoughts and low points. This episode aims to make listeners feel less alone and offers heartfelt advice on finding help and building a support system.
00:00 Opening Up About Depression
03:06 Discussing Depression with Cousin Lisa
05:05 Lisa's Personal Journey with Depression
08:19 Recognizing and Managing Depression
16:37 The Role of Support Systems
23:26 Mindset and Depression: Is It a Choice?
29:23 Tips for Coping with Depression During the Holidays
35:21 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
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For me, like, depression got scary when I started having, um, in, like, what are they called? Intrusive thoughts.
Like that's
when I, that's when I knew I was like, okay, I need to figure this out and get some help because the thoughts are getting scary and dark and I don't want to be here anymore.
Yeah, that is something that also took me.
A little while to figure out and I'm, I have to, I have to say, and I really have to give credit to my husband now, um, babe, if you're listening, I'm sorry, I'm going to brag, but he has, he's been that, he's been that rock for me. He's been there and it was a long, it took a long time for me. I'm sorry, I get emotional because I'm, I'm so appreciative of him and it took a long time for me to get like that with him.
It took a long time for me to open up and talk about how it is I really feel. So, he's been a very great, um, foundation for me and rock for me and, you know, he listens to me and he talks to me and what I, appreciate most about him is like, he'll tell me, it's like, okay, do you want me just to listen? Do you want me to give you advice?
Or do you just need a shoulder to cry on? What part am I playing here? You know, and that just means so much for me for me.
Hi, my name is Gabby Ramelli and I'm your boundary advocate to lead you to a more peaceful life. Four years ago, I was stuck in a deep depression, a fog covered lake in the dead of night with no idea of where to turn to get back to me.
or my own needs. After seeking professional guidance to lead me out of the darkness, advocating for myself, my boundaries, and my overall well being has become a daily practice of self care. Here on the Blissfully Bold podcast, we'll chat about balancing life's chaos within ourselves and in everyday spaces, pumping the brakes on people pleasing and understanding our personal needs To create the peace and happiness we so crave and deserve.
Join me every Wednesday for a new episode and dare to be blissfully bold. Welcome to the Blissfully Bold Podcast. Hey, friend, you're back. I appreciate you coming back every week. If you are loving the show, please. Go and show support by rating, leaving a review, and sharing with a friend. And now there is a new way that you can support the show.
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In this episode of the Blissfully Bold podcast, I actually got the chance to sit down and have a chat with my cousin Lisa. Um, we talk about Depression. Now, I know this can be a very sensitive topic for many, especially around the holiday season, but this is why having the conversation is so important so you can not only recognize Your triggers within yourself that sometimes Bring on the depression or that you can catch to show that you are falling into a depression So to be more specific like in this episode my cousin Lisa and I we talked about her experience with depression Recognizing her depression triggers, like I just mentioned, and dealing with that around the holidays.
Um, and then also the question of, is depression a choice? And what can our mindsets say? B around depression. And then of course we have tips for combating that depression. So, this episode is going to be chock full of personal experience and the methods of handling depression personally, you know, for herself, for myself, and yeah, just lean in.
And if you've ever felt depressed or had a bout of depression, then just know that you aren't alone and this episode proves it. So sit tight. Without further ado, here is Lisa. Hello and welcome back to the Blissfully Bold podcast today. With me, I have my cousin Lisa, and we are going to be talking about depression and managing it and talking a little bit about the holiday blues.
So welcome, Lisa. I'm so happy that you are willing to talk to us about your depression and your past experience with it. Just because it is a very personal topic.
Yes, it is. I'm so, thank you for having me here. I'm so happy to be here. I think this is a wonderful thing that you are doing and so many people need to be able to know that they are not alone.
And so I hope that you go very far with this. I'm excited. Oh, thank
you so much. Thank you. So, uh, you've podcast, right? Yes, yes. So, you've been a big supporter of me and I just want to say thank you so much for that. I truly, like, words can't even describe how much it means. It really means a lot to me. Um, but as you know, I like to kick off every episode with asking how you kick ass.
So, I want to know, what makes you kick ass at giving yourself grace and coexisting with your depression?
I thought about it for a very long time, and I was, I just could not think of anything, but the one thing that comes to mind is, and some people might be like, I call bullshit on this, but I feel like, I feel like I'm a little bit of an empath, and I can sense when people are sad, I can sense when they're not having a good day, I can sense When they just need a smile or a hug.
So I feel that that is where I excel. I can tell like, this guy just needs somebody to b. f. with, you know, a little bit of chit chat, you know, talk about the little things, you know, and just smile and, and show them like, Hey, everything's gonna be okay. So I think that that's where I kind of excel at is in being able to help people that way.
Oh, I love that. So you mentioned that you are an empath and I feel like one of the, I don't want to say dangers, but one of the things that you need to look out for as being an empath is like taking on other's emotions as your own. Do you ever feel like that impacts your depression?
Yes, it does. When I am in a crowded place, and I tend to avoid that now, it used to be when I was younger, you know, I could be at a concert or in a club or just a place, you know, packed full of people, even just like a family reunion.
You know how big our family is. Um, I was okay with it, but as I've gotten older and I think I've gotten more in tune with it, I've noticed it does, it does affect. It does affect me, so I try to avoid it when I can and, uh, just try to prepare for it when I need it. You know, have to be somewhere where there's a lot of people.
Right. So can you dig into a little bit more of like what your past experience with depression has been? And do you feel like it's chronic or seasonal or just like, you know, every once in a while? What do you think?
So, my depression is, was centered a lot, uh, around just events that happened in my life. Uh, the first experience I had with it was when, uh, my son's father passed away.
And, um, that was my first bout. And that was a little more difficult because I was so very young. I was a teenager, so I didn't know how to deal with it. I was still trying to understand myself and understand what was, you know, the world around me. And then I, you know, was pregnant, so dealing with, you know, pregnancy emotions and all, you know, all the, you know, Pregnancy Intel.
So it was difficult for me at that time. Um, then many, many, you know, many, many years later, I mean, there were incidents here and there between. That and the next time that I really, really felt depressed was when I lost a baby. Um, in 2017, I gave birth and she was a stillborn, and oh my gosh, it was a difficult time at that time because one, I was in a horrible marriage to begin with and it didn't help things that, you know, my husband at the time was just not a nice person, you know, kind of.
It goes into the abuse that you've talked about before, you know, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, that kind of thing. I mean, I was experiencing all of that. And then I was 40 years old and pregnant, you know, my kids were already grown. I didn't know what I was going to do. It was just a difficult time. And then when she was born and stillborn, it was harder because I had pregnancy complications.
And so on top of losing the child, I had to have an emergency hysterectomy and had to be in the hospital for a couple of days, which was really hard because they still had me in the, in the maternity ward. So hearing all the crying babies was very emotional. So that's, um, a couple of examples, you know, I could go on and on, but we'd be here for days.
Well, it sounds like Those are, like, revolving around traumatic experiences, right? And it's very understandable that you would feel that depression. Do you ever feel depression outside of traumatic experiences? Or are they typically just in those types of environments?
No, I've noticed, um, no, I have noticed even, uh, sometimes during the holidays when my kids were smaller because, you know, I was a single mom and it was hard.
It's hard being Married and having a two parent, you know, you know, husband and wife or, you know, significant others helping each other, it's hard enough as it is, but for especially so for single parents, because not only are we paying both parts, you know, both parental figures, we're also trying to make up, you know, financially.
And so, yes, there were times where I felt depressed during the holidays because. I could not afford to buy my kids presents. So, yes, no, I have felt that before.
Right, and so when you feel like a depressive state coming on, like, how do you kind of try to recognize it and then Like, I guess kind of start to combat it, especially when it is around the holidays, because as you mentioned earlier, you alluded to, we have a pretty big family and so family events and like holiday events, like they're usually crowded.
So how do you recognize the depression and how do you know when to take the time for yourself as opposed to trying to. I guess, care about what family thinks if you don't, if you're not there.
It had, it's, so it took me a very long time and up until just recently, I've said to myself, you know, I'm, I'm feeling this time of way, this type of way and anyone who's felt depression, you feel it.
I mean, you feel it in your soul. You feel it, you know, just so deep, deep down and sometimes it's hard to, you know, identify what is causing that feeling, but I feel like if you. Just listen to how you're feeling and identify what it is that's going to help you. Is it time alone? Is it maybe spending time with a certain person?
Is it maybe listening to music? Which I found for me, listening to music was, I mean, that is what helped me. I mean, there's just different songs, you know, different scenarios. I mean, just, it's not. Like a spiritual type song where it's not like I mean you'd be very surprised that when I sit down and listen to like Flipknot and Disturbed and Mudvayne and all of those kind of heavy bands It's like kind of relaxing for me and it helps me come back and you know center myself and like, okay You know what's going on?
What do I need to fix? How do I help myself or do I need to help somebody else? You know, so it's just kind of learning and it's for some of us. It's going to take a little bit longer. I feel like myself. It took me. I'm like, I'm well into my 40s and it took me a very long time to identify that. That's what that is.
What was happening with me and I need it. And so, you know, depends on the person.
Right. I know for like myself, I can feel when I'm starting to get into like a depressive state, whenever I start trying to push people away.
Uh huh.
Um, because I want to be alone because like, Even though you're in this depressed state and you probably be better off being around other people who can uplift you, it's almost like for me, it feels like I don't want people to see me as I'm feeling like I'm dying.
Like,
like feeling in this very raw and very vulnerable state. Like for me, I don't want people to see me like that. And so. I do start to push them away and it's almost like I like, not pick fights, but like make up a reason, like sabotage, whatever is happening because I want to be alone to be able to process whatever it is that I'm feeling.
But then the danger in that is that sometimes you. get too into your feelings and then it's hard to come back out, right?
Yes, yes, uh huh, or you do like me, I blame my husband. I'm like, oh no, my husband has this or this to do and I'll tell him, um, babe, so and so wants me to go here but you told me no, okay?
And he's like, okay. So, yeah, I mean, I, I completely get that, yeah, but At the same time, you do need to take that time for yourself, because if you don't, then you become toxic to those around you, like, you know, your family at home, the ones that you live with, your husband, your children, or, you know, whoever it is you're living with.
So, identify that and find what works for you and, and do whatever it works for you. If it's meditating, if it's, you know, like, is it listening to music or journaling, whatever it might be, or talking to somebody that you can come fight in. You know,
find
what that, what that vent is for you and, and do it, you know.
And for you personally, like, what do you think, like, what is your best way to really like get in touch with how you're feeling and actually let yourself feel vulnerable? Because I think a lot of people kind of want to hide from themselves too. Like they're almost in denial about things and it's like, no, I'm not depressed.
Like I'm just not in a great state right now. And it's like, well, you know, I do let these thoughts creep in. And. For me, like, depression got scary when I started having, um, in, like, what do they call it, intrusive thoughts.
Like, that's
when I, that's when I knew, I was like, okay, I need to figure this out and get some help because the thoughts are getting scary and dark and I don't want to be here anymore.
Yes, that is something that also took me a little while to figure out. I'm, I have to, I have to say, and I really have to give credit to my husband now. Um, Beta, if you're listening, I'm sorry, I'm gonna brag, but he has, he's been that, he's been that rock for me, he's been there, and it was a long, it took a long time for me, I'm sorry, I get emotional, because I'm, I'm so appreciative of him, and it took a long time for me to get like that with him, it took a long time for me to open up, and I'm, I'm so appreciative of him.
Talk about how it is. I really feel so. He's been a very great, um, foundation for me and rock for me. And, you know, he listens to me and he talks to me. And what I appreciate most about him is like, he'll tell me is like, okay, do you want me just to listen? Do you want me to give you advice? Or do you just need a shoulder to crown?
What part of my plane here, you know, and that just means so much for me for me.
So
it just. You have to, it's kind of hard because everybody experience, experiences depression differently and not everybody wants to admit it, but when you can admit it to yourself and find the help that you need, it doesn't necessarily have to be with your spouse or with your parents or with your children or with a psychologist.
Just be open. Somebody, you know,
somebody
or something, learn to identify it and admit it to yourself like, I'm feeling some type of way and I need to do something. What is that something I need to do?
I love that he held that space for you.
Yes, and, and he wasn't always like that and I wasn't always that.
I was very, I was always a very proud. very proud woman, you know, I conquered very many things on my own, even before I got married. And so I was always like, that strong, like feminist, I don't need a man. I don't need a man. You know, but
yeah, and
for the most part, you know, in previous years, it was true, I was able to do things on my own.
And I, you know, move forward, and I pushed through, but my man now, yes, I do need him. And I mean, in so many other, you know, different ways, you know, like, I'm definitely terrified of spiders. So I need him to kill a spider for me.
But emotionally he is, he's, he's really great. He had to, you know, he went through a lot of change himself, himself, and he's been through a whole lot of himself and we've just learned to be that. You know, emotional rock for each other, just like when we are feeling some type of way, we can listen and if needed, provide some type of, hey, well, maybe let's do this or maybe let's do that, you know, something like that.
So, that has been a very big part for me, especially in the last few years that we've been, we've been married, uh, two years and been together six. So, it's, um. Definitely been an emotional but great roller coaster ride from
I love that and I love that you mentioned That you know, your husband is a rock for you and I love that.
That's wonderful um, and for the people who like don't have you know, or feel like they have that support system whether They can't confide in their husband or they can't confide in their sister Or their parents or their friends because they're afraid of like judgment Like what kind of advice would you give?
To someone to like find their person of like who they can like melt in front of because that's what I feel like when you start getting vulnerable, it's just like It's just a release and you feel like you're heard and you're seen and that there is hope. Like what would be your advice to finding someone like that?
I would say maybe find a support group or finding someone who has been through what you're feeling. Those are going to be the people that you can really connect with. And those are the people who are going to be able to listen to you without judgment because Let me tell you, before I realized what it was I was feeling, before I realized that what I was feeling was depression, because there are many different forms of it, before I realized, you know, I was one of those people.
I was one of those people that would be like, why are they depressed? What's wrong? Like, they have this wonderful family, you know, it's not like they're, You know, poor, it's not like, I mean, just all these different kind of, I was that judgmental person. And if I ever did anybody anything, if I ever said anything judgmental to anybody who may be listening, I apologize, I'm sorry.
I did not realize that, you know, there's, it is a thing, it is a thing. And so, yeah, you have to find the people who are, have experienced what it is you're feeling. And try to connect with them because, again, those are the ones who are going to be able to hear you without being judged.
Yeah, 100%. And you actually brought up a good, like, point about, like, you used to be judgmental about, you know, other people's depression and it's like, snap out of it, you know, like, Think of better thoughts.
So like, I want to talk more about the mindset behind depression, because I think that a lot of people do have that perspective. Like, I think I heard, um, a Jim Carrey speech a long time ago about how he thought that depression was like a choice because you can choose your mindset, which is true. Like you can 1000 percent like choose to have like certain thoughts, but at the same time, like, I don't know if this is true for you, but it was true for me, of like, when I was in depression, I didn't really feel like I had control over those thoughts, especially, especially the intrusive thoughts that, like I said, were scary and dark, and it's like, Why am I even thinking this?
And so like, do you think that depression is a choice or that it's kind of a mixed bag?
I do think it is a mixed bag because you have people who are depressed because of a chemical imbalance. And that's not something that anybody can control. You have to see a licensed professional, you know, a medical professional, a physician that can prescribe something for you that can help with that chemical imbalance.
Sometimes you have to be on those, you know, for short term. Sometimes you have to be on them for longer term. So it's not always something that you can That you can just say, I'm just not going to feel like that because it's not, you know, as much as we all want to have that magical wand, be that witch or wizard, you know, to just say, you know, that you're not going to feel like that.
It's just not something that can be always done and I feel that that is why it's important to identify where is it coming from, is it something medical, do I need to see a doctor, you know, that's why you want to talk to other people who have felt the way you feel, because it'll help you to ascertain what your next step is.
and I feel like even though you could be feeling these, these thoughts or these feelings of like, you know, despair or like you're just kind of spinning out of control or things like that, that even though you may be able to start recognizing them for yourself, that other people around you don't necessarily recognize it because you can put on a facade of like, I'm okay.
Yeah,
and like you're not okay. Like I know for myself like when I look back at some of my pictures I'm like smiling and I'm like I felt like fucking shit like whenever I was in those moments and it just was not not a great time in my life for me and I still had a smile. So, what would you say, like, is a way for you to be able to be more perceptive to people who might be depressed but might be hiding it?
This is a hard one.
Because,
I say this because And I'm sorry if my son's listening or if he hears this, but my son was going through a depression and He was that person like, oh, I'm fine. Oh, I'm gonna be fine, but I knew he was going through depression I knew he was hurting but I could not help him and even though I talked to him and I told him you know son, you're feeling all these kinds of ways and this and this and that and I urged him and I Um, you know, try to, you know, tell him you need to see somebody, you need to talk to somebody, something's got to give.
You just, when I feel that there's that person in front of you that you know something's wrong, and you know, there's only so much you can do. For me personally, and this is just me, I'm not trying to push my faith on anyone, but I pray I pray a whole lot. I pray so much that sometimes I feel like God's like, Oh, gosh, it's her again.
But that's just me. Um, if you, I mean, if you have to be persistent with that person, be persistent with that person. Like, Hey, you know, how are you? How are you? Really? Like, no, something's going on, especially if you know them. Like, I know my son, you know, I, you know, and I'm, I'm, you know, I tell them, you know, I'm sorry to be that overbearing mother.
You're not okay. Let's fix this. Let's what do we do? Let's work on this. You know what I mean? So it's just kind of like on who that person is to you and do you want to overstep boundaries? I'm, sorry. I'm mom. I'm gonna overstep that boundary like we're gonna we need to do something, you know Something you know, so it's it's just kind of that's a little bit of a sensitive area for some I know but Just really, um, gotta let them know that you're there for them.
You love them, and they are important to us in whatever way it is that they're important to you, and everybody is important to somebody. I don't care how much you feel like, oh, nobody cares, and nobody wants me, or, no, you mean something to someone. So it is very important that you figure what it is you're feeling, and why it is you're feeling it, and how it is you can feel
Right. And so what would you say are like some methods that have really worked for you or some good tips for people who might be feeling like, you know, they're in that low point or, you know, almost to rock bottom or just that something isn't right, they don't know what? But something isn't right and it's like they have to try to work through it.
What, what was your kind of saving grace and what would be your best tip for people?
So, we're kind of talking like with the holidays coming around and whatnot.
Mm hmm.
And, Um, A lot of the depression I feel that some people feel during the holidays are maybe loneliness or maybe even financial reasons.
And I've experienced both, you know, when my kids were little. Now that my kids are older, my daughter lives in West Texas. She's like eight and a half hours away from me. So around the holidays, we both kind of feel, you know, like I miss her a lot. I miss seeing her, and she, you know, she's, um, she just got engaged, so she has her, you know, her fiancé's family, and so it's, it's a little bit hard for both of us because we have such a very close relationship, her and I, so around the holidays, we don't get We talk a lot, you know, we, you know, so it just kind of depends.
I mean, if you're feeling that loneliness, you know, find that family person that you really drive with. Is it your sibling? Is it your parents? Is it your cousins? You know, or, um, If you don't have any family, maybe like you're living far away, you know, maybe for a college student, you know, and you're a college and you couldn't go home for the holidays, you know, be there for others who might be lonely, like, I don't know, volunteered, like in a soup kitchen, like, you know, there's very, there are so many people out there who are feeling the same way that you're feeling that your company alone is going to make their holidays so much better.
So much better.
So like creating your own support.
Yeah. I mean, that's a recommendation. You know that there's there are so many, um, Different scenarios that one can think of is why they're feeling sad, especially around the holidays. So, I mean, what works for 1 person isn't going to necessarily work for another, but I think the important part is.
You're recognizing that you're feeling this way and. Again, like, why is it that you're feeling this way? And how can we, you know, how can we fix it? And I say we, because they're not alone. There are others feeling that same way. So that's why I say it's very important to connect with those. And that's why I feel that your podcast is so important because.
It's reaching those who are feeling this way and maybe they're not wanting to connect with somebody they know personally for fear of whatever, whether it be judgment or even resentment or, you know, they know that they can reach out to Blissfully Bold Podcast and you can help them with our stories, you know, stories that you've provided for them and just different ways, you know, that's, that's great.
That's why I love, love, love what you're doing.
Oh, thank you. I feel, I feel truly honored that I can be that like voice or even that like community, that little small community for people to know that they're not alone. And for me, like getting out of my depression, I could not do it alone. Like I had to have someone help me.
Like I talk about, you know, having my happiness coach and. She really helped me to figure out what it was that I didn't want because I didn't know what I wanted but I knew what I didn't want or I was learning what I didn't want, um, which was like, oh hey, you need to like put some boundaries in place and say no to things
and
like, you know, that'll help you come out of this, uh, like, resentment.
Yeah. Because I think that was another thing that like, that kept me in the depression was that I just had this resentment for my work at that point where it's like even I'm going there day in day out and I was always reminded of like how pissed off I was. And so it's hard to like also get out of a depressive state when it's like, You're in a constant loop of, you know, being in the same thing that is causing your depression.
And so I think that sometimes you do need that outside perspective to help you see something that you're not in your life.
Yeah. Yeah. I have to agree with that.
Well, that was a lot of information. I think that the audience will have a lot of, like, good moments to, like, reflect on as far as, like, what they can do to try to pull themselves out of that depressive state, but also being able to feel seen.
And I just really want to thank you, Lisa, for coming on and, again, being vulnerable and letting people know that they are not alone.
Yes, of course. It was my pleasure. I thank you so much for having me again. I had a really great time. I hope we can do this again and thank you so much for doing this podcast.
I really feel that you're going to help a lot of people and I really pray that it reaches everyone that it needs to reach so that people know that they're not alone and that there is help out there. Thanks again.
Well, thank you. Bye.
I absolutely love that Lisa was courageous enough to come onto the show and talk to us about her experience with depression in all of its different forms, whether that be from traumatic experience or just dealing with, you know, you know, everyday life kind of triggers.
Like, she was talking about, you know, feeling down around the Christmas holidays because she, you know, at some point didn't have enough money for gifts for her kids. And I feel like that's a really common thing, especially now in this economic climate that we're in where everyone seems to be struggling.
So just know that if you are having those moments of intense sadness and you're thinking like you don't know which way to go or where to turn or who to talk to and you just feel very stuck and alone, You don't have to be. You don't have to be that way. So, just reach out to someone you trust. Your friend, your family, and if you don't have anyone that you do trust, my DMs are always open.
And I would love to hear from you. So, yeah. Let's chat. And if you found value in this show, in, in any of the tips that you took away from today, I would love it if you could go to Apple podcast and go rate and review the show and tell others why you love the show. So that way it can be found. It can grow and it can help more people.
All right, my friend. Toodles. Talk to you next week. Thanks again for listening and visit buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee. com forward slash blissfully bold podcast for another way to support the show. And I will also link that in the show notes.